I was raised in a household where punishment was "When you father gets home, your going to be punished" That punishment was usually a yard stick across the ass. Coming from that environment i think it only had minimal effect, and led to escalation.. Well if 3 swats wasn't enough, this time it will be 5...
For me "hot saucing" is just another form of physical and psychological domination. It might work for a while, but isn't really a solution... I wouldn't do, and I would be pissed if the daycare did that... When we brought our girls to the new daycare we specifically asked "WHAT", "HOW", "WHEN", etc. regarding discipline.
We have used "time outs" with success, but are trying to encourage positive actions. I have spanked my child one, and that was one swat after she slapped me. I couldn't bring my self to spank her hard, and she called me on it, saying "That didn't hurt" I was pissed, which is why she got a spank in the first place. I looked her square in the eyes and said "Do you WANT it to hurt" She was 5 at the time and saw the error in her ways and quickly retreated from any abstinence...
For bad language, my 5 year old has brought the word "Dam" home from daycare, she was told that is not ok for her to say. She then got a STERN warning / reminder that we don't use words like that, and got a short timeout. On the third usage I told her to sit on the couch and had her hold onto her tongue for a minute. Just two fingers, hold the end of your tongue. She seems to have gotten the point, and hasn't used the word since.
When I sense I'm losing the battle with self control I tag out with my wife. Only once have I said: "If you want to still have two children in the morning, you'll handle this", but I didn't mean it. I just needed time to calm down. Once I'm calm, I swap back with my wife and have a sit down with my daughter. Explaining why what she did was wrong, and I apologize if I had raised my voice trying to explain that parents get frustrated too.
No one ever talks about parenting being easy. As parents we need to walk a fine line... We have to let kids be kids, and play and have fun, yet still protect them from themselves and from the evils of society. We want them to grow up and be good members of society, and yet also want them to be confident and have a good sense of self.
We do our best to encourage creativity and responsibility. We let them know what a better way would have been to handle a situation, and encourage our girls to communicate better with each other, explaining why they didn't like what the other one said or did. It's working for us. Our girls are now 5 and 8, and they haven't killed anyone yet. Well as far as I know at least...
I know that our ability to shelter them from the evils of society are limited, but I will as long as I can...