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vanblah · 09-18-2006, 07:23 AM

I used to think that you could reason with a three-year-old. All it takes is a little patience, I would say. All those parents who spank/shout/time-out/hot-sauce/etc. are just bad parents who don't know how to handle their kids.

Now I realize how wrong I was. Every kid is different, of course, so results will vary.

I've spanked my kid one time that I can recall(she's 5). It was for running out in the street without stopping; despite being told over and over not to do it. She just charged head-on laughing the whole time. She was three. I snatched her up faster than she could realize what was happening and swatted her butt. I doubt she really felt it. She was more scared of my reaction. She has not run into the street since.

I've had to threaten the hot-sauce technique on her for sticking out her tongue recently (about a year ago). Sticking her tongue out was becoming a habit ... and no amount of positive reinforcement seemed to work. I told her that she had three chances. The first time she stuck her tongue out again, I told her to go get the hot sauce. She did. I just explained that it would burn her tongue and we put it back. The second time she stuck her tongue out I told her to go get the hot sauce again. This time I had her SMELL it. A really good whiff. Then we put it back. There has not been a third time. But if there is a third time then I will put a drop of hot sauce on her tongue. I have no choice ... it's just an empty threat if I don't and THAT is far worse.

The key here is consistency and reiteration. You don't actually have to PUNISH your kid every single time. You just have to make them AWARE that there are consequences. Fear is a very good emotion to tie things to if you want someone (not just kids) to really remember things. You don't want to take it as far as resentment though ... that's usually the line that so-called psychologists are talking about.

I know that there are a lot of books out there that talk about negative reinforcement and how "detrimental" it is. The fact is most of these books are full of crap when it comes to YOUR kid. I've read several and they all have one thing in common: YOU as a PARENT must have something wrong with you if you don't do it like the author. How can this be true if there are literally hundreds of books with different techniques and they've all been praised and honored by various parent councils?

My daughter is about as happy as a kid could be, and we've used negative reinforcement for certain things: don't open the doors for strangers, don't run out in the street, etc. You want a very strong emotion to tie these "rules" to, fear is probably the strongest.

09-18-2006, 07:23 AM	#4 (permalink)
vanblah Junkie	I used to think that you could reason with a three-year-old. All it takes is a little patience, I would say. All those parents who spank/shout/time-out/hot-sauce/etc. are just bad parents who don't know how to handle their kids. Now I realize how wrong I was. Every kid is different, of course, so results will vary. I've spanked my kid one time that I can recall(she's 5). It was for running out in the street without stopping; despite being told over and over not to do it. She just charged head-on laughing the whole time. She was three. I snatched her up faster than she could realize what was happening and swatted her butt. I doubt she really felt it. She was more scared of my reaction. She has not run into the street since. I've had to threaten the hot-sauce technique on her for sticking out her tongue recently (about a year ago). Sticking her tongue out was becoming a habit ... and no amount of positive reinforcement seemed to work. I told her that she had three chances. The first time she stuck her tongue out again, I told her to go get the hot sauce. She did. I just explained that it would burn her tongue and we put it back. The second time she stuck her tongue out I told her to go get the hot sauce again. This time I had her SMELL it. A really good whiff. Then we put it back. There has not been a third time. But if there is a third time then I will put a drop of hot sauce on her tongue. I have no choice ... it's just an empty threat if I don't and THAT is far worse. The key here is consistency and reiteration. You don't actually have to PUNISH your kid every single time. You just have to make them AWARE that there are consequences. Fear is a very good emotion to tie things to if you want someone (not just kids) to really remember things. You don't want to take it as far as resentment though ... that's usually the line that so-called psychologists are talking about. I know that there are a lot of books out there that talk about negative reinforcement and how "detrimental" it is. The fact is most of these books are full of crap when it comes to YOUR kid. I've read several and they all have one thing in common: YOU as a PARENT must have something wrong with you if you don't do it like the author. How can this be true if there are literally hundreds of books with different techniques and they've all been praised and honored by various parent councils? My daughter is about as happy as a kid could be, and we've used negative reinforcement for certain things: don't open the doors for strangers, don't run out in the street, etc. You want a very strong emotion to tie these "rules" to, fear is probably the strongest.