Crack

Ya know what also kills snakes? A rake. or I shovel I guess would work too. What you do is: Kill the first snake with the rake/shovel, then you take that's snakes dead body and put aside for later. Next, go out to a lightly wooded area and find a stick about 3-4 feet high. Sharpen both ends to a point. Place the stick in the ground around your house where you don't want the snakes to be.

Then, go to fabric store and buy a little bit of lace, and maybe some sequins.. ya know, something very girly and flamboyant.

Next Take the snake we saved from earlier and measure him. Get all the dimensions. Take the fabric you bought and fashion him a little dress and a bonnet... go nuts, the more demeaning the better! (even some lipstick and eyeliner might be nice here)

Once your snake is all pretty take him outside and jam him on the other sharpened end of your stick in the ground.

If done correctly all the other snakes will stay away.

Example snake conversation:

Snake 1: Dude, did you hear about Dave?
Snake 2: Yeah man, I saw.
Snake 1: Everyone is laughing, I feel sorry for him, even though he was a douche bag, no one deserves that.
Snake 2: No shit. I am staying away from that place, those people are freaks!
Snake 1: Yeah, no joke man, no joke.
Snake 2: Hey, you down for going out and doing some snake stuff tonight?
Snake 1: Yeah, that's cool, let's get crunk and give the other snakes a bad name!
Snake 2: woot.

Disclaimer: I am just assuming snakes say "woot" they may in fact not.

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Crack, you and I are long overdue for a vicious bout of mansex.

~Halx