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Originally Posted by rofgilead
. . . But I am drunk. So there should be some sort of handicap. . . .
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Being drunk usually is a handicap! 
OK - I got 86% 28 miles ave 274 seconds.
But hell, I got Delaware right off the bat, and Rhode Island and New Hampshire were in the first five. WTF? It couldn't start with Florida or Texas?
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If you want to avoid 95% of internet spelling errors:
"If your ridiculous pants are too loose, you're definitely going to lose them. Tell your two loser friends over there that they're going to lose theirs, too."
It won't hurt your fashion sense, either.
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