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Originally Posted by Cynthetiq
dammit.... I have to unsubscribe from this thread. It really bothers me that she didn't change her name...almost 5 years later and I'm still bothered by it.
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At least you're honest about it. What would she say if you told her that you were still bothered by it? Maybe she would reconsider if she knew how important it was to you?
See, this is why I am thinking through my rationale for changing my name... I don't want to realize five years from now that I regretted changing it, or regretted not changing it. There is just no easy solution, but I do want to feel good about it, in the end.
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Whatever. Only my first line was in reply to your post. I thought that saying "as for me" would have signalled that, but I guess you failed to understand.
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Nah, I understood, I just didn't like your tone.
Seriously, though, when you said "Change both of your names or get over it," what did you mean by changing both of our names? I assume you don't mean hyphenating... but I'd like to know more about your suggestion. Changing them to something brand-new, like what Zar talked about?
highthief--interesting that you thought I sounded competitive. Honestly, that wasn't my intention. Mostly it's in the interest of equality, which I do believe is attainable (or at least, something to strive for) in marriage. But I agree with you that the overall picture is often more important than the minor details. To me, though, changing one's name is akin to changing one's identity in some way... not something to be taken lightly, by men or women. That's not to say it shouldn't be done, but that it shouldn't be brushed off, either.
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One more comment on this. Ktspktsp and I were discussing this earlier, and he has always reiterated that he doesn't care one way or the other if I change my name or not. But then I asked him what name he would want our children to have?... and he said that yes, it would bother him if they did not have his name. Because there is this expectation that our children would have his name, to carry it on.
This is what bothers me. Not about him personally, but about the system most of us live in. Why is the woman's name seen as disposable? Maybe not in marriage itself, but most often for the children? This is one holdover from the old days that I cannot make sense of.
Yeah yeah, I'll get over it. But like I said, I won't go down easy.
