abaya

Y'know, I was kind of asking a hypothetical question, more for the sake of discussion than anything else. Most women (and some men) have had to think carefully about this decision, and I respect people for what they do decide. I wanted to hear other people's processes, not judgments.

Anyway, I already said earlier: ... so that's pretty much already my decision, but I was looking for other suggestions that I might not have considered.

I don't think it's wrong or sexist to always take the man's name; my point was that it IS a bit much if a man *expects* the woman to take his name, and not even consider what that might mean for her. For some women, it means nothing. Fine. For me, it does mean something. From what I can tell here, most TFP'ers have realized that in their own relationships, and it was part of their decision; I appreciate those stories.

I should also mention that because I'm in academia and publishing papers that will be under my maiden name, changing my name after marriage will make things a bit more complicated for research and job interviews. Female academics are notorious for using hyphenated names because of this very issue. I never said it was a great idea, at least not for me, but other people are just fine with it.
Thanks for the considerate post. Always good to hear people getting called "stupid" for a rather complex decision. It's what TFP is all about.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran