I've said this before, but not all cultures have always required women to change their names. In Iceland, women have NEVER changed their last name. It's just not expected, so there's no "discussion" about it. It's still an historically-patriarchal society, since women (and men's) last names are based on their father's first name (with a -dottir or -son after it)... so the discussion there is often regarding whether to give your child the father's first name, or the mother's (again, with the appropriate affix... and who knows what happens when people are transgender, therefore not clearly a son OR a daughter).
Anyway, I am half-Icelandic but I wasn't raised in that society. I was raised in the US, where women still generally take their husbands' name. But even though I don't judge other women for taking their husbands' names, it doesn't feel right to me. But it also doesn't feel right to have my name (and his) remain unchangd after marriage, either.
So, when highthief said:
Quote:
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Originally Posted by highthief
Do whatever feels good.
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I agree, but I don't know what "feels good" to me in this case. It doesn't feel good to have to change my name when the man isn't expected to do anything, either. But then again, I can't think of any viable alternative (I don't like hyphens or whatever). The way the system is, it seems that ONE name wins out, unless you're willing to hyphenate, which is frickin' annoying. So it's just "easier" to go along with the man's name, for practical reasons, and to try and ignore all the ideological shit that comes with it.
And that doesn't feel very good to me, but I don't know what else to do.
I love ktspktsp's last name as much as I love mine, but I also want us to share those names somehow. What to do?