Gilda

I discuss it pretty openly with my wife and with my sister. With Grace it's just part of being an intimate couple. I'm fascinated with every aspect of her as a person and I never tire of learning new things, of finding new ways to connect to her emotionally, spiritually, and physically. We were both fairly inexperienced at lesbian sex when we first got together, having had only one female partner each, so clear communication was a must. We learned how it works together, and from books and from a website dedicated to female masturbation and techniquest to bring a woman to orgasm, and it's never ceased to be a fascinating topic for each of us.

I talk about it with my sister because I don't want to see her make the same mistakes I made as a teen and in my college years. She initially went to Grace because she is more mature than I am, but kept getting sent to me because, well, what the hell would Grace know about having sex with a guy? It's mostly about protecting her, giving her information she needs to be able to be safe as well as being able to please herself and a partner, especially because, as Eric Larsen once put it, all a woman really needs to get laid all she wants is a vagina.

I've discussed intimate things with a person I'm close to here, but I don't think I've ever had a real life conversation with a female friend, mostly because I don't have any female friends outside of my family.

There are multiple purposes. It feels good physically, really good when it's done right.

It's fun.

It helps provide an avenue for physical connection. Humans need physical touch, physical affection from others. Much of this is purely platonic, hugs, a pat on the back, the rough and tumble play many guys and some girls enjoy with each other or parents do with their children. We, as a species, need to be touched by others, that craving for a physical connection to others is something built into us, and sex is one very intimate way of filling that need.

It can help to strengthen the emotional and spiritual bonds you share with your partner, if it is occurring within that type of relationthip. This is a very important part of our sex life for Grace and me, the way it brings us closer to each other as people.

It can be a way to show someone you love them.

Orgasms feel good, and women have one organ whose sole function is to provide sexual pleasure, and at least three others for which that is one of the two main functions. We're supposed to feel this, nature or God or evolution, depending on your viewpoint, has provided us with bodies that can provide this very intense pleasure, and with practice do so with great efficiency. To deny that is to deny our very nature as sexual beings.

No, actually I think about sex very little.

Mmmm. I was more sexually aggressive early on, but as we've progressed through our relationship, we've found that our sex drives have sychronized gradually, bit by bit, to where we're pretty close right now. It happens, but less and less often as we grow together.

I feel very good during sex. It took a good while to get there--I had some pretty serious issues regarding sex that Grace and I have worked through together as part of our relationship.

Afterwards is often even better than the during part, the being held and knowing that I'm safe and loved, the quiet casually intimate talk that comes with it.

Yes. Fear was a big part of most of my sexual experiences for the first few years, a good number of one night stands, and a pig part of one long term abusive relationship I found myself in in my early 20's

Part of it is religion, but part of it is an embedded cultural value stemming from leftover values related to sex stemming from the patriarchal nature of much of Western society.

I'm not saying that all men are like this, or even most, or that even society consciously views sex and sexuality this way now, so I hope that what I'm saying here doesn't get misconstrued.

However, for much of Western history, women, and by extension, women's sexuality, was viewed as a male possession to be preserved and protected by the father, with this responsibility later transferred to the husband. Female sexuality was something to be cherished to such a degree that it becomes like an action figure that never gets taken out of the box for fear of ruining its value (Hey, I'm a comic nerd, you find your own metaphor).

Not being able or not knowing how to orgasm, not desiring sex or being sexually assertive actually serve an important function in a society in which women are viewed as property. It preserves the idea of female sexuality as a male posession, something to be used for his pleasure and to produce his babies, and keeps sex as a wifely duty and for procreation. A woman who knows how to have an orgasm, who enjoys sex and her sexuality, is more likely to seek out multiple partners.

This patriarchal "women as property" standard is an extension of humans as animals. The male maximizes his chance of passing on genes by having sex with as many partners as possible while ensuring that each partner has sex only with him. A woman with multiple partners interferes with this, making it so that a male partner cannot be sure that his genes are those being passed on.

Now this isn't a conscious value in our or even most of Western society anymore, but it remains as an embedded value. Many of the norms and mores in our society, as with all, are remnants whose function has long been forgotten but remain in place because they go unquestioned, or because they've been subsumed into or attached to other values.

Ask a man who desires a virgin for a wife and he might not know what the actual origin of the value of virginity is--in primitive times it ensured that the woman's children were the man's offspring. Despite this no longer being relevant due to our clearer understanding of biology, the value of virginity remains among some as an embedded value, one that has since been attached to religion to give it more strength.

Much of that remains through this perception, even among women, that women and girls shouldn't be sexual beings or enjoy their sexuality, and the subsequent reluctance to discuss it remains as an series of outdated embedded values.

And I'll repeat this as a disclaimer, lest I be misunderstood: I'm not saying this is something all men or women, or even most men or women believe on a conscious level, just that it's a more that has become embedded into cultural consciousness to such a degree that it permeates much of our culture in so many ways subtle and over that it can be absorbed through cultural osmosis.

That's why it's important for sex and sexuality to be an open topic, something that can be discussed with others, to combat unhealthy attitudes towards sex and sexuality that interfere with people enjoying something that is good, normal, and healthy.

Gilda

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I'm against ending blackness. I believe that everyone has a right to be black, it's a choice, and I support that.

~Steven Colbert