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balefire88 · 08-09-2006, 03:15 PM

I’ve been musing over certain events in my life, rather than doing any work. I would love to hear all your thoughts on the following questions.

Basic story: Persons A and B are in a relationship. B does something with 3rd party one time.

1. How much blame or responsibility does the 3rd party share? Assume 3rd party was single, but knew that the person they hooked up with was in a relationship.
2. Are there mitigating circumstances for the people involved in the cheating? What if 3rd party and B had been in a relationship before? What if there had been a past history of hooking up between 3rd party and B?
3. What if A and B were on the verge of breaking up anyways?
4. Is there a limit in terms of physical activity you might be willing to forgive if there were extenuating circumstances or you’re in a forgiving mood? For example, 1 light kiss might be extremely forgivable, several nights of sex would invite total wrath.

Basic story: Persons A and B used to be in a relationship. One year later, B does something with 3rd party, who is (was?) very good friends with A.

5. Should 3rd party or B have told A what went down? How soon should they have told A? Should they have waited to see if something serious developed before telling A?
6. What if it became apparent that B did something with 3rd Party, but only to get back at A as a revenge ploy? Would it be more acceptable if A had cheated on B in the first place?
7. Let’s say B then had a fight with A, and told A in a fit of rage that B had hooked up with 3rd Party? Should 3rd Party talk to A? What if 3rd Party and A are far away from each other, but had made vague plans to visit each other in the not too far away future?
8. What if B apologizes to 3rd party for telling A? Should 3rd party continue to hang out with B? What if alcohol is involved, which was a primary reason for their previous last hookup?

If anyone’s curious, I’m obviously involved in both stories. In both cases I am the 3rd party. In the first story, I hooked up with my ex while she was going out with this new guy. It was during a particularly low point in my life, and I was probably not going to see her again. She was crying, I moved in to hold her, and it went from there. She was not particularly strong-willed, so I probably deserve more of the blame for letting it continue. As far as I know, she hasn’t told her new guy, and they are still together and going strong.

The second story is particularly weird because she attempted to get back with my good friend about a week after we hooked up. I thought she was fairly sober when we hooked up, but apparently 2 hours is not enough to get through 3 shots of liquor for her. Apparently, the getting back together thing fell apart, they had a fight, and she told him about what happened. He’s apparently pissed, and she wants to hang out more. On the one hand, she’s clearly much more trouble than she’s wroth. On the other hand, I’ve had a decent dry spell while I was fixing other aspects of my life, so I wasn’t exactly in a position to be picky. She’s definitely one of the more fun girls I’ve ever hung out with, so for now I’ve adopted a wait-and-see approach.

08-09-2006, 03:15 PM	#1 (permalink)
balefire88 Tilted	Shades of grey? I’ve been musing over certain events in my life, rather than doing any work. I would love to hear all your thoughts on the following questions. Basic story: Persons A and B are in a relationship. B does something with 3rd party one time. 1. How much blame or responsibility does the 3rd party share? Assume 3rd party was single, but knew that the person they hooked up with was in a relationship. 2. Are there mitigating circumstances for the people involved in the cheating? What if 3rd party and B had been in a relationship before? What if there had been a past history of hooking up between 3rd party and B? 3. What if A and B were on the verge of breaking up anyways? 4. Is there a limit in terms of physical activity you might be willing to forgive if there were extenuating circumstances or you’re in a forgiving mood? For example, 1 light kiss might be extremely forgivable, several nights of sex would invite total wrath. Basic story: Persons A and B used to be in a relationship. One year later, B does something with 3rd party, who is (was?) very good friends with A. 5. Should 3rd party or B have told A what went down? How soon should they have told A? Should they have waited to see if something serious developed before telling A? 6. What if it became apparent that B did something with 3rd Party, but only to get back at A as a revenge ploy? Would it be more acceptable if A had cheated on B in the first place? 7. Let’s say B then had a fight with A, and told A in a fit of rage that B had hooked up with 3rd Party? Should 3rd Party talk to A? What if 3rd Party and A are far away from each other, but had made vague plans to visit each other in the not too far away future? 8. What if B apologizes to 3rd party for telling A? Should 3rd party continue to hang out with B? What if alcohol is involved, which was a primary reason for their previous last hookup? If anyone’s curious, I’m obviously involved in both stories. In both cases I am the 3rd party. In the first story, I hooked up with my ex while she was going out with this new guy. It was during a particularly low point in my life, and I was probably not going to see her again. She was crying, I moved in to hold her, and it went from there. She was not particularly strong-willed, so I probably deserve more of the blame for letting it continue. As far as I know, she hasn’t told her new guy, and they are still together and going strong. The second story is particularly weird because she attempted to get back with my good friend about a week after we hooked up. I thought she was fairly sober when we hooked up, but apparently 2 hours is not enough to get through 3 shots of liquor for her. Apparently, the getting back together thing fell apart, they had a fight, and she told him about what happened. He’s apparently pissed, and she wants to hang out more. On the one hand, she’s clearly much more trouble than she’s wroth. On the other hand, I’ve had a decent dry spell while I was fixing other aspects of my life, so I wasn’t exactly in a position to be picky. She’s definitely one of the more fun girls I’ve ever hung out with, so for now I’ve adopted a wait-and-see approach. __________________ "Today is the beginning of the rest of your life."