essendoubleop

I really don't know where to begin with this. My feelings for this girl have just now started to subside 6 months after I last saw her.

I guess it started with me working at a restaurant. I was a good-looking really shy kid about to finish high school who didn't have any experience with women. I was always overweight until my senior year when I shed a lot of weight and started to really pay attention to my outward appearance. I had learned to be shy around girls until working at the restaurant for a while gave me seniority over girls I knew from school. For the first time in my life, I started to date these girls and take them home after work. I got my first kisses from one, which turned into a botched sexual advance on her part. Not that she wasn't pretty but I was extremely uncomfortable, never before being in that situation before. After she left the company, I new hostess would take her place and I'd swing in on her with a little more confidence. It continued somewhat like that through about 5 or 6 girls. A couple of them got me in sexual opportunities again, but I never really felt comfortable to follow through.

By now, I had a reputation where I worked, though it was a lie, as any of the girls could attest to. But me being on one of the guys, they thought I was the man so I'd somewhat pretend I'd been bangin them all, but never really explaining the full details.

The hottest waitress who worked there was going out with her boyfriend of years and had worked there longer than me. She was always nice to me and I always treated her with respect, but she thought I was a dog after hearing the rumors about me. Anyways, she became a manager and hired her little sister. When I saw her for the first time, I was thoroughly rattled by her beauty. It was an almost out-of-body experience when I saw her during her interview. I was really nervous because I could tell everyone was expecting me to gobble her up right away. What made matters worse was she just moved to the area from a long ways a way and didn't know anybody and immediately had a crush on me as I found out later.

Normally, I'd be the one who'd act cool and make the advancements from a distance. But she was forward with how she'd try to get my affection. She made me nervous enough that I'd say something really fast than run off to do something else before we could get into a conversation. This went on for a few months, before I felt I had completely blown it with her and went into an almost indifference mode. Instead of playing cool as I had done for so long, I was just a total dork to her since I figured she lost all interest in me anyways. I guys my seeming confident turned her on and we went on a date. At the end I gave her a kiss, but she seemed kind of weird about it. I have to admit, I played it absolutely cool.

A few nights later we had planned on her coming over to a house I was house-sitting at to go hot tubbing. Moments before coming over, she told me couldn't make it because I should have hung out with her earlier and tonight was a really bad night or something to that extent. I was crushed. I felt like my one opportunity at a beautiful girl had slipped because I was so nervous and didn't initiate things immediately. A few weeks later, she called me after drinking alone one night and I came over. I found out she had been dating another guy from work (he was extremely tall, but regarded as a dweeb by everyone) for a few months. I was somewhat weirded out that she had let me kiss her while dating this guy and hanging out with me. I also had my doubts whether or not they were still together. She assured me they weren't but kissing me had shown she wasn't very believable. Anyways, that night she was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen to this day in my life. Her legs were perfectly toned and buttered up on her orange skin. Her hair looked like she hadn't done it, but it looked absolutely spectacular swished over her face. We smooched for a couple hours and we groped, but I went home after that.

I honestly can't remember what happened for the weeks after that, but I didn't see her outside of work. It seems like that would be the perfect time for our relationship to really take off, but it wasn't. My mind has effectively blocked out the timeline from the weeks after that night.

Anyways I had just moved out to my new apartment and I invited her over after playing tennis. We had a couple of drinks and we picked up where we left off that night. For the first time, I slipped my schlong inside her and we went at it for about an hour. I was extremely nervous, but she was so damn hot that she really pushed me over the edge where I was ready to do it. I must have been so nervous that I couldn't come, which apparently she enjoyed. After she stopped it prematurely, we talked on the balcony.

She thought I had been with a lot of people because I was able to go for so long, but in truth it was because I was so damn nervous. I asked her how many people she had been with. She said 13. She asked how many I had been with. I had learned from at least a couple of these girls that telling them you were really a virgin weirded them out and that was usually the turning point when they started heading in the other direction. So I muffled 6, and she was my 7th. Significant numbers.

Anyways, after my first experience, I swelled with confidence as my nervous energy was unleashed. We did it a lot, to the point where my muscles would get sore and that's all I wanted to do after getting off work. The floodgates really opened.

Everything was paradise until I got a call from her while she was at work. I was making her chocolate dipped strawberries and wanted to really show her that I was beginning to love her. She said that she had something really important to tell me and she wanted to do it in person. My heart was racing just as fast as brain was searching for possible topics for discussion. Was she pregnant? An STD? Did she want to break up? Those were the longest two hours of my life. She had already got off work an hour ago, when she finally gave me a call, telling me she was about to leave. I told her forget it, and zoomed over to her place not wanting to wait any longer.

She sat me on her couch and began to tell me. If she was pregnant, I thought that would be okay because even though I would have trouble supporting a kid, I had always wanted to eventually one and in a twisted kinda way, it would insure a long relationship with her. I didn't give a lot of thought to the STD thing because I hadn't had sex before and I hadn't noticed anything different with me. And I really couldn't foresee her breaking up with me since I had been almost the perfect boyfriend and she didn't spend a lot of time away from me.

Before she even said a word though, I realized what it was. I looked at the coffee table and saw a number of pamphlets. I simultaneously saw they were about HPV (genital warts) as she explained to me what her gyneacologist had found. It was an odd feeling I felt. I felt relieved that it wasn't that serious, but I felt annoyed about the problem. However, I immediately saw the positive in the situation and decided this could be our problem we could fight together, something to support each other and grow even closer as we fought our battle. Neither of us would probably talk to a lot of people about it so it could be our little secret to help form bonds. This was, at least, my spin on a negative situation.

I believed she was genuinely relieved at my reaction as she later explained that she thought I would leave her. I also kind of noticed that she really slightly jabbed me after she realized I was sticking with her and wanted to shift the blame on me. Still, I think she liked the fact that I was supporting her when she said she felt ugly and said no-one would sleep with her again. Her warts eventually went away, seemingly when my first one flared up.

I showed her and after she agreed it was a war, I called the doctor's and got an appointment. I was a little weary about losing my humility but the doctor was very helpful and professional. She applied a liquid that froze it off throughout the day. After that, she showed me a device that had a Q-tip attached to it, that I knew immediately what is was for. I closed my eyes and braced myself as she forced it inside me. It was somewhat painful, but mostly uncomfortable. You really can't explain a feeling like that, you just have to experience it to know what it feels like. The doctor said she was testing for Chlamydia, Gonnorhea, and I think AIDS. I didn't think it was necessary since my girlfriend had just had her pap smear which didn't show anything except the warts.

The following week, after my wart had subsided and things were starting to look clear again, though, HPV is a lifelong virus, I got a phone call from the labratory telling me my results had shown positive for Chlamydia. I felt a surge of confusion. My girlfriend was sitting in the passenger's seat and she could tell by the look on my face that something was wrong. Without beating around the bush I told her straight up what the doctor had to me and that she was my first one. I had been dropping hints to her for the past weeks like saying she had "popped my cherry" when she punched me and telling her that she was my first of many things. I had even told her point blank at one time that she was my first, but she thought I was being ridiculous and told me I was weird for even saying that. That had effectively shut down my will to tell her the whole truth. So when I told her flat out after reading positive for Chlamydia she was pissed.

She wouldn't talk to me and didn't believe me that she was my first. She must have figured that the reason why I told her that was to put the blame for our quandry on her. I didn't view things like that at all. As a defense mechanism, she started accusing me of a lot of things and our relationship really got hairy after that.

I went to the doctor's for my checkup another week later and spent nearly an hour asking her questions. I told her the truth about everything. I told her about the pap smear not showing anything for my girlfriend and she was my first one. The doctor assured me that the lab results were nearly 100% accurate and my girlfriend should get it taken care of immediately. I asked if there was any way possible something like this could happen and she just sadly told me that my girlfriend probably wasn't telling me the whole story.

I nearly burst into tears. I didn't want to lose my girlfriend who I still cared about tremendously. She needed support more than ever just like me. I was scared of Chlamydia because I didn't know anything about it. I was scared that I would HPV for the rest of my life. It have to be something I told my significant other before getting married.

My doctor was very sympathetic and I could see her tearing up as well. I had almost no answers. Just a couple STDs.

She was my first one but she didn't believe me. My test showed positive for Chlamydia when her pap smear had not. She had only been with one other guy since she moved up to my area, which was 5 months ago, and he had only been with one other girl who was a virgin. I had told her before the STDs showed up that I had been with 6 other girls. All evidence pointed to me giving it the STDs to her, when I know 100% that it could not have been.

We tried (at least I did) to continue our doomed relationship. She even moved into my apartment for an inevitable departure after a month, which is another story in itself. I have found her to be a liar, but whether she has become one in the wake of my fib, or merely been lying all along and I was too blinded by her beauty to notice them is too hard for me to tell. I feel like I have a lot more to write about our relationship.

Though I'm starting to come to grips that it wasn't my fault, I have learned a few things from this. No woman should think less of a man for being a virgin. I have proven that I was every bit a good love maker as Don Juan even though I hadn't had direct experience. If she's turned off by it, she's not worth it. Overstated it may be, but honesty is VERY important. Once a lie is revealed, it becomes almost impossible to make up for it. You start to not be able to believe anything the other person says and you just end up going in circles. Finally, wear a rubber no matter what. There is nothing to lose, you can last longer in bed, you can make the girl feel more safe, and you can get them for free at pregnancy clinic.