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From:
bjones@somemail.com
subject: have you seen the new chick who moved in across from me?
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Oh God, I hate her. Can't stand her. There's something about her boyfriend, though. Good man all around. A "man's man", if such a thing still exists. I really despise her for tarting herself around like that. This is a family neighborhood, after all. I have kids to raise, and I want to do it in a respectable atmosphere- not on fucking Whore Street, USA. I mean what is she thinking? I can't take my goddamn lawn mower out to trim back the grassy onslaught in my front yard without seeing her layed out in her two-piece dental floss bikini.
That boyfriend? Totally wrong for her. Good head on this shoulders, likes to catch a movie with the guys- his only fault that I can see is having his cock anywhere near that homeless shelter cafeteria trashcan of a human being he calls his girlfriend. I mean she looks like a day-shift hooker. Alright, she's attractive enough, but I promise you she's satan's slut. I don't know what he sees in her- I should invite him over the next time we're throwing a football party... tell him to leave her home.
You should go say hi, too, get to know him. Great guy. When I met him, he was outside painting her house. I felt like I should have told him to put some paint over the tramp stamp she's got on her lower back. Anyway, email me back and we'll see what's what. Maybe we can get him in on our paintball tournament? Great guy. I bet he'd tear that up. See you in church tomorrow.
- Bob