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Originally Posted by shoegirl2219
But, as a woman, I find it really, really disrespectful if a man isn't considerate. Say for example, if you're sitting right next to your SO while he looks at random porn on the internet. Not a big deal if you don't mind, but if you really do mind, then it's quite inconsiderate, rude, and disrespectful. Yeah, I got it, men will do what they want and look at porn... but men, at least make an effort to know what will upset or bother your SO.
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Ok but... WHY do you mind? Open communication does not include arbitrarily assigning "this bothers me" to things without discussing why.
What if I said you can't watch TV, because there are other men on TV and i'm jealous and insecure. It's rude and inconsiderate of you to watch TV. I don't have to have a good reason, I just don't like it and I wish you'd care about me enough to stop doing it since it bothers me. (sounding familiar yet?)
Find out where those feelings are coming from. Is he already distant, or have you been altogether replaced by porn? That's a broader issue than just a naked chick on a monitor, but the porn is a convenient scapegoat so you don't have to face the reality of your real problems.
Are you just a control freak? Lots of people are.
Is it simply that you don't want to see naked people? While I wouldn't care, I wouldn't stick around the computer if my SO was scrolling through pic after pic of naked men. It's not insecurity, but I find no pleasure in seeing those images. Of course, just because _I_ don't want to see it, I wouldn't force my SO to stop looking at it, unless there was a broader issue to her looking at it (and then communication needs to kick in).
People seek arousal, even if only mentally (any mental stimulation). Arousal can be a good book, a movie, a nature hike, or imagining that you're bending your new secretary over your desk and filling her out like an application.
So, keep in mind that although you're offended by it- what is actually, at the root of everything, the problem? Are you just jealous/insecure/controlling? Stop blaming real problems on an easy scapegoat like porn. If you whittle down everything else through open communication with your partner, and you end up left with just porn, then that's the problem, and you fix that. For most of you, however, that's not the case, and you'll be having a talk about jealous/insecure/controlling behavior.