Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - Help the lurkbastids decide whether to procreate...or not!

vanblah · 07-10-2006, 06:40 AM

I have read through this entire thread with as much care as I can. If I missed something or repeat something that someone else has said just add it to the statistics.

Preface the words "In my opinion" in front of every sentence please:

Having children is one of those things that if you have to ask other people about then you probably shouldn't. If you have to make a chart of "pros and cons" then you probably shouldn't be having children. If you have to consult a Magic 8 ball then you probably shouldn't have kids.

Why?

Your mindset has not changed if you are still having these kinds of doubts. You still don't really want children. You're just dealing with the biological urge that you spoke about. That's all.

All of the people you meet who say that having a child is the sweetest experience in the world are actually correct. However, that's certainly not a reason to have kids. Kids are not toys or dolls that you tuck in at night and sigh and whisper to your SO that life is beautiful. Sure, that can happen sometimes; but counter that with all of the not so beautiful things about kids (puke, poop, tantrums, midnight ER visits, etc.).

A child will not make you suddenly feel complete if you don't already have that. At most it will distract you from certain feelings for a while; but eventually you become "yourself" again.

Two things stuck out at me most that I'd like to address here:

As far as kids being "dream-killers" (can't remember who said that), in MY EXPERIENCE the exact opposite is true. I got involved in music with renewed energy after my daughter was born. I didn't have much drive before. I just listed from band to band and project to project like nothing really mattered. Now I have some real concrete goals that I am on the road to achieving.

On the subject of daycare; the studies are not conclusive. Certain daycares are nothing more than holding centers for children of parents who are also otherwise neglected. We chose a daycare that met some very specific needs that we wanted for our child. I wanted her to learn a second language as early as possible. I don't speak a second language; at least not well enough to teach it. We were lucky enough to have a foreign language speaking daycare in the city. In addition to learning the second language, neither my wife nor I felt that we could teach our daughter anything beyond simple ABC's and numbers effectively (that's our own shortcoming, I agree). But, I am a firm believer in the Maria Montessori principle … kids seem to learn best from other kids.

Having children was something I never really thought about. It's not something that you can ever be "ready" for. Some people do and some people don't want to have kids. Sometimes you don't have a choice and that goes both ways.

Good luck with any decision you make.

Doug

07-10-2006, 06:40 AM	#102 (permalink)
vanblah Junkie	I have read through this entire thread with as much care as I can. If I missed something or repeat something that someone else has said just add it to the statistics. Preface the words "In my opinion" in front of every sentence please: Having children is one of those things that if you have to ask other people about then you probably shouldn't. If you have to make a chart of "pros and cons" then you probably shouldn't be having children. If you have to consult a Magic 8 ball then you probably shouldn't have kids. Why? Your mindset has not changed if you are still having these kinds of doubts. You still don't really want children. You're just dealing with the biological urge that you spoke about. That's all. All of the people you meet who say that having a child is the sweetest experience in the world are actually correct. However, that's certainly not a reason to have kids. Kids are not toys or dolls that you tuck in at night and sigh and whisper to your SO that life is beautiful. Sure, that can happen sometimes; but counter that with all of the not so beautiful things about kids (puke, poop, tantrums, midnight ER visits, etc.). A child will not make you suddenly feel complete if you don't already have that. At most it will distract you from certain feelings for a while; but eventually you become "yourself" again. Two things stuck out at me most that I'd like to address here: As far as kids being "dream-killers" (can't remember who said that), in MY EXPERIENCE the exact opposite is true. I got involved in music with renewed energy after my daughter was born. I didn't have much drive before. I just listed from band to band and project to project like nothing really mattered. Now I have some real concrete goals that I am on the road to achieving. On the subject of daycare; the studies are not conclusive. Certain daycares are nothing more than holding centers for children of parents who are also otherwise neglected. We chose a daycare that met some very specific needs that we wanted for our child. I wanted her to learn a second language as early as possible. I don't speak a second language; at least not well enough to teach it. We were lucky enough to have a foreign language speaking daycare in the city. In addition to learning the second language, neither my wife nor I felt that we could teach our daughter anything beyond simple ABC's and numbers effectively (that's our own shortcoming, I agree). But, I am a firm believer in the Maria Montessori principle … kids seem to learn best from other kids. Having children was something I never really thought about. It's not something that you can ever be "ready" for. Some people do and some people don't want to have kids. Sometimes you don't have a choice and that goes both ways. Good luck with any decision you make. Doug Last edited by vanblah; 07-10-2006 at 06:44 AM..