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Originally Posted by Bazan_Kor
Also it seems almost impossible to move from being a friend once your there to anything more. Something just seems to turn off in a girls head and once you have that label its impossible to shake it off. So my advice would be to forget about the 8 or so current friends who are girls and find new girls who you talk to with the intention of getting with them.
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I would also agree with attempting to meet new people instead of trying to start a relationship with the ones you already know..
Frienship gets very comfortable for females, and thus, I suspect they see no reason to risk it by dating. They have everything to lose, and ultimately very little to gain..
One of the trends I see often as a "close friend" (which I alluded to above) is that I will often only get contact from a said female when their life is down.. Relationship problems arise, suddenly they want to talk to me. And like said, that is fine, and a reasonable expectation of friendship. My issue is when their only attempt at contact comes as a result of them needing something; and any other time they are next to non-existent.
As an interesting, and very real, comparison.. I met a girl a few years ago I initially wanted to date. I didn't make that clear initially, and we fell into friendship. While friends I discussed, even suggested dating, but she said she didn't know, wasn't ready for it, etc. Understandable. At the time, she was in a comfortable spot.. Recently out of a relationship, but also pursuing other relationships on a dating level, just not interested with me.
Fast forward to currently.. She is in a situation where her boyfriend will be going away for a long time, and she suspects the relationship won't last. I've talked with her (and anyone else that will listen) about my desire to move in the near future, to get away and start life elsewhere. Suddenly, she is making suggestions that we should move in together, get married, etc.
During the time life was good for her, there was minimal to no contact. I contacted her, didn't even get called back, maybe got a text message, usually got nothing back. I'm a nice guy, so I let this go and worked on maintaining the friendship, though I think I would also have been fully justified in not doing so.
Anyway, life is always good for me, as I am an ultra positive person.. I feel like I am often overworking at maintaining friendships, and am finally realizing that it likely is not worth the effort on those that are only going to use me as a fallback guy. I find it insulting to hear from someone after an extended absence, only to hear needs or requests with the preface of small talk or true interest in how I am doing. At least cut to the bullshit and don't try to pretend to care how I am doing.
So, as a result, I am cynical in many regards relating to opposite sex friendships. This view is based heavily on reality and experiences I've had, and thus I don't necessarily think my view is entirely out of line.
And one last comment (in this post!) regarding serious friendships.. Ultimately they have allowed me to be exposed to the negative qualities in a person from a distance, and thus ultimately turned me off from pursuing dating further. If we had dated initially, these issues could have been discovered first hand, and likely dealt with, and overcome. When viewed from a distance, I am instead left asking myself if I really want to date this person after all, and ultimately, my decision has been "No, there are better girls out there." One of the benefits about close friendships (even if they aren't mutual) is that you learn a lot about the opposite sex; and in many cases this information can be greatly beneficial in determining what you want and don't want out of future partners.
Therefore, I highly endorse meeting new people and dating from the getgo. However, don't force it as a result of being desperate, as that will ultimately lead you to a lowering of standards, and the quote that I came up with (which is in my signature below) reflects that.
I'm content being single, and intend to remain single until I discover a girl that is special enough for me to want to spend the rest of my life with. I greatly doubt such a girl is one I currently know and am friends with, and thus I am glad I ended up not dating them, given the results I've seen so far. If I had dated initially, things could be totally different, but I didn't, and thus am pleased with the decisions I've made, and the results I've seen.