noodle

Lurkette, I truly believe that our "urges" and plans for our lives change as we're exposed to different things that we're not used to. I applaud you for putting this out there. And for clarifying that you were asking for other people's thoughts and not planning on making a snap decision, but wanting to change the things/thoughts you're exposed to.

That being said, I always thought I wanted a full house. I've worked with kids since I was a 10-year-old babysitter. My friends have kids, I had 95 cousins in 2000 then I stopped counting. As I grew into my life and into different directions, I met people that I wanted to smack in the head for procreating. I watched, listened, and was reluctantly involved in parenting one of my female friend's daughters because she was an alcoholic with no parenting skills. I met my ex 2 years ago. I fell in love with his daughter immediately. She was brilliant, beautiful, loving... and three. I was with him during the most devastating of times where this innocent little girl became a weapon his ex-wife wielded on a daily basis. Long story short, "daddy" was replaced by his first name, she moved to the other side of the country, and they terminated his rights to her because he could not afford the $9k a month she wanted in "back-child-support". I had never met anyone who truly regretted having a child before I met him. She is the only child I would have participated in parenting. Ever. Our styles are complementary, there was a connection between the three of us, and he was an incredible father. Unfortunately, he does not believe that I no longer want children and it ended the relationship because of fear of possibilities. My reasons for wanting to remain child-free?

--I'm selfish. I like to pick up and go when I feel like it.
--I like to give them back when they are screaming.
--I work with children who are living with a life-threatening illness. What child of mine could ever live their life quasi-normally with a mother who works 50 hours a week and has seen what an immunization or cold can do in the extreme worst-case scenario? I'd be a basket-case. And so would the kid.
--I have fibromyalgia, which could be passed on. I'm a third-generation, first-born-female with it. We also have cardiac disease, glaucoma, diabetes, arthritis, severe allergies and asthma in my family. I choose not to take the chance.
--I will not ever be put in a situation where my potential child could be used as a weapon.
--I know I could not do it on my own. And I would never want someone to stay in a relationship with me because of a child. Nor would I be able to force a child to split their attentions between two households or give up custody of a kid.
--I don't make a lot of money. It's my chosen profession and sometimes I can't afford the canned catfood, so he just gets the dry stuff, because I hate ramen noodles.

The only reasons that I have not had a tubal yet are because I came to this conclusion about 14 months ago and want to make sure I still feel that way. And some health issues I'm dealing with. But again, this is my choice and I'm responding to your questions about why other people have come to their own conclusions about procreation. I wish you and Ratbastid time, healthy conversations, and the best of luck in making your choices.

__________________