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Originally Posted by thed00t
I disagree completely, with exception to the title. You're right that it's different than the goal of my post, but I think you are drawing way too many conclusions from text. When the ladies shared experiences, I asked for more information. When they gave advice, I disagreed, or offered a counter point. Did you ever stop and think that no one, not one single person, could read the text on any one of these threads in this forum and fully understand what is going on? For fucks sake, I can't believe the arrogance of some of you who think you are so right based on some printed text on a forum. Advice is one thing, but it's still just an opinion and not law. You are so arrogant in your thinking that you have me pegged, that you don't even stop for a moment to consider how wrong you might actually be. You keep trying to tell me that my situation is not unique (with an overused adjective modifier to make you sound smarter), but that everyone is different. Different and unique are what we refer to as mutually exclusive. Face it buddy, you don't have me pegged. I never expected, wanted, or asked you to either. I asked for advice, which clearly was a huge mistake, and for people to post their scenarios. That IS what this place is about right? Sharing? So stop trying so hard and follow the guidelines of the thread or get the fuck out.
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I donīt have anyone "pegged", never have and never will. I can however make good guesses in certain situations. Your situation isnīt unique, there may be some small items that show itīs dissimilar to the world at large, but the underlying concept is still unrequited love for a friend. Movies, books, songs, sonnets, paintings, all have been created for this same very reason. It is a topic been written about by Dante, Cervantes, Shakespeare. This is the reason that there is a sticky about this very topic because it is as old as the hills.
I posted in this thread to find out just how "different" your situation is. So far, you have shown little difference from any other original poster in any other thread similar to this one.
No one can ever know 100% all the things that surround and issue, not even in real life can your best friend know everything. People only know what you reveal, and even then that is measured and weighted by motive. Sometimes, like a child to a parent, we only tell what we want people to know so that they will support our arugments and positions. Sometimes we do it knowingly others we do it subcousiously.
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You should probably read the posts more carefully. On second thought, don't. That'll just incent you to respond again.
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I do read posts carefully, from title to OP. Which is why I commented stating that if you wanted people to share experiences, you should have made that clear in the OP, stating "Tell her how you feel?" predisposes the readers to post their opinion and advice on your situation, not on what their expeirences are.
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You didn't post your situation. You posted two vague outcomes of your situation. If you want to contribute, post the scenario and details around the situation. Maybe something was different (besides the people) in each of your situations that is useful. Maybe not.
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I did not post my situation initially because I do not like to revisit since it is not a pleasant memory.
1st Time
In High School, I made friends with a girl in my Bio class. We became close friends quickly and at the time had never had a girlfriend, but had many lady friends. Her best friend and I became good friends too. I did not know or realize that I was firmly entrenched in the "friend zone" because I was a nice guy and doing all the nice guy behaviors.
She was pining over her own situation of some upper classman that knew she existed but didnīt really care if he dated her or not. He came and went as he pleased constantly.
I finally put all the cards on the table in a letter and handed it to her. She finally realized that I had a crush on her all this time and ceased taking any of my phone calls. In one fell swoop I lost a set of friends and one of my best friends.
2nd Time
A girl I used to like to visit at one of the buildings I serviced moved away. She was a nice girl. We just talked when I visited the office. I had girlfriend at the time I met her. She moved to Iceland for a few months, sheīd send out emails to keep in contact with friends, basically like a newsletter sharing her experiences in Iceland with different customs and lifestyles.
When she came back to the US, I invited her to call me to hang out. I had a different girlfriend at that time. She did not have a lot of money and I enjoyed hanging out with her. I would always offer to pay for her share since I just liked hanging out with her even though at the time I was dating someone else. I had no interest in her romantically, physically, or anything. She and I had just become good friends and we enjoyed spending time together.
We talked about relationships, how complex they are, how difficult it is to express that one likes another. We discussed the convenience of holding up a sign saying "I like you." and letting that be the beginning of letting the other person know how you feel.
I would talk about how I could not meet any girls that I gave me any real satisfaction. One night her best friendīs sister was visiting and kept grabbing my head and turning it towards this girl. I realized than that I needed to think about how I felt about her.
A few days of sorting out my feelings, I took her out to dinner like normal. In the middle of the conversation I told her I was holding up a sign. She didnīt get it initially so I explained our previous conversation.
We dated, eventually moved in together, and got married.
As I thought about the first situation, I can probably find a few others along the same lines because I realized that there were a few other times in my life where I had the same if not similar end result.
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Please feel free to stop responding to this thread. Your urge to be right and make me look wrong is making every single one of your posts completely useless. I don't have time for some internet forum guy who thinks he's got everyone all figured out from text. Either you trust that I don't have something to prove, or you've got your own set of problems. I couldn't care less either way and would prefer you step out of the conversation all together.
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I donīt have anything to prove, in fact, many times my inquiring proves my own position wrong, something that helps me learn and understand more about people.
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I can't believe a moderator is crapping threads... thought this place was more mature than that.
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If you truly believe that, please feel free to PM Halx.
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