A couple questions for you ...
- WHAT exactly was the sense of tugging? Was it to the birth experience - the carrying/nurturing someone for 9 months, having a bond with someone, etc? Was it the chance of ownership and pride "That's MY kid", ... what?
- What would it take for Ratbastid to be 150% on board? A marriage is between you and Ratbastid, and even with your kids, your marriage needs to be first in order for you two to provide a healthy family environment to your kids. If your marriage would suffer in the presence of kids because there's serious doubt, that should be a HUGE warning sign.
- How long has the urge lasted? You've spent the better part of a decade from what I can see affirming your choice to NOT procreate ... and it is changed on a whim? While I'm not saying that it isn't possible... just be sure that it's not hormone or emotional related .. if the urge lasts 3-4 months, then in my opinion it would be one to pay serious attention to.
- Are you willing to take care of the baby that falls into that 1-4 chance? If you are not ... pull out. NOW. While technology is advancing greatly.... we still cannot control nature in everything. Because of your brother, I know you have a grasp of what type of life and medical issues may result ... would you still feel the urge to be a parent even if your child was not "normal" by today's standards?
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Calling from deep in the heart, from where the eyes can't see and the ears can't hear, from where the mountain trails end and only love can go... ~~~ Three Rivers Hare Krishna
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