Originally Posted by fredweena

Been there. The whole freaking out about where someone is/was. It got me nowhere. Except to realize everything that all of the above people are saying is true. You have to talk. Let him know why you were/are upset. Spend some time doing things separately to build up that trust. Snooping in his phone is not okay. I'd have kicked my ex's butt if he'd ever looked through my messages because they're private. Just as I never looked at his. No matter how badly I wanted to.
After talking with him, we worked it out that if he was going to crash somewhere, he'd have a buddy send a text or something just to let me know he was okay. Why? Because he was on a motorcycle. That's the only reason. I worried about the other drivers, not him. I'd so much have rather he zonked out with someone, anyone, than drive home tired, intoxicated, whatever. Once we cleared that up, things went better. He thought I was being needy and bitchy and just wanted him home after I freaked out one night when he didn't come home. Once I explained it was only for peace of mind that he wasn't splattered on the road somewhere, and that I wanted him to go out and spend time with his friends, it was fine from there on that front.
My advice/thoughts on the situation? Don't snoop, call his/your friends. It's demeaning. Face each other like grownups and talk about it. Listen. No man wants to be with a Kudzu vine. Most women either.