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Suzz04 · 06-25-2006, 12:04 PM

I'm not wanting to completely cut his visitation. I can't seem to make any one understand that. I have encouraged her to call him as well as visiting. I've had to almost at times do everything I can to get her to even go. It's not like I'm not trying. I am not sitting around here telling her that her father is a bad man and she should hate him. He's proven to her himself that he will not pay attention to her then, now or later. You can only put off doing the things you promise them so many times before it gets old.

The original court issued visitation was 4 weeks to be take 2 weeks then the other two weeks at a later time during the summer. He refuses to acknowledge that. There is no co-operation with him. It's always been his way on things and doesn't matter if it interfers with your life, plans, or anything. He simply does not care.

I sat and thought for a while on the abuse/neglect. And I remembered a instance where at the age of 7, she managed to open a window and was hanging out of it. Not so bad right? Wrong. He lives on the 6th floor of a apartment building.

She may be alittle dramatic, but I watched what he did to the other child from the time I entered their lives. It was exactly the same thing.

He's not telling her to be quiet before he gets on the phone with a client. He has no clients. He works for a bank as the network admin and is currently on call for another week or so. Last summer when she stayed, she had to wake him up in order to go to work. He wouldn't set the alarm and said she would need to wake him up. She's like every kid, summer time means sleep in time alot.

To even be able to get his attention at any point, (and yes, this still happens) with both children, they start off with "daddy?" for about 7 or 8 times. After about 10 minutes, of trying to get his attention, they had progressed to the point of calling him by his full name. Mind you, during this time, he's not working, or on the phone, he's usually watching tv, reading a book, or playing a game on the computer. Many times I have had to get up and go over to him and force him to acknowledge that they were speaking to him. I still have to do it today. I'm not sure if he's just so engrossed in himself or just doesn't want to hear them.

My life is constantly put through hell around the summer and holidays. I'll get told 6 months in advance that he's coming in or not for that time and I make plans according to what he says. However, there have been many times, that he has told me he's not coming and I have made plans. Now, I'll say that I have asked him right up til 2 weeks before the holiday if he's still coming or not. There have been times he's called me the night before he gets ready to drive down that he's coming in and I have to cancel everything.

On a side note, there is no adult conversation with him. It doesn't matter how calmly and rational my ideas or arguments are. I'm treated as if I'm 2 again and that I have completely no idea of anything. I'm just too stupid to know a damned thing about what goes on in the world or how to raise a child.

I never grew up around other children nor did I babysit. Our two years of marrige, I learned on my own how to take care of that baby. He was never home until after 11pm and disappeared with his friends for the weekend or wanted all of us, to go out so he could have his time.

I don't know if he's abusing her physically. I have told her on many occasions that no matter who they are or what they say, to come tell me about it. No matter how much one reassures a person of that, they still may never tell. I do know that he can inflict mental abuse. I took it for 2 years and for 3 more years after I left. He tells me things are one way, and when I go look it up, it's not that way.

For instance, our divorce. He assured me that I had to wait a year before I could file a separation agreement. Blindly naive, I believed him and waited a year. Til a co-worker was going the the exact same process and told me she filed her's the week she moved out. Whoops... there was a year of things I should have been doing and never done it. So, I had to file the agreement then wait a bit. It took me almost 2 years to finally get my divorce. I left in Nov 97 and finalized in Dec 99.

I have bent over backwards to accomodate his schedule for calling to talk to her. I have canceled birthday parties at the last minute before he came when he said he wasn't coming.

I have one thing to add before I'm finished. His oldest daugther is 21. After the same treatment he gave her that is happening to this one now, she left and he now has no clue where she is. He managed to put himself out of two marriages and has lost communication with one child. I fear that he's going to do the same things and end up with the same thing happening. I can't prevent it if he's doing it himself.

And let me stress it again since I'm not sure anyone is getting this part, I am not looking to completely cut him out of her life. I just want her to have some fairness on getting to decide alittle. You'd think after 8 years of her crying every time he gets her during the summer, he'd rethink about how the visits would go. I'm afraid that he simply does not care and needs to feel that he is in complete control.

06-25-2006, 12:04 PM	#10 (permalink)
Suzz04 Crazy Location: Virginia	I'm not wanting to completely cut his visitation. I can't seem to make any one understand that. I have encouraged her to call him as well as visiting. I've had to almost at times do everything I can to get her to even go. It's not like I'm not trying. I am not sitting around here telling her that her father is a bad man and she should hate him. He's proven to her himself that he will not pay attention to her then, now or later. You can only put off doing the things you promise them so many times before it gets old. The original court issued visitation was 4 weeks to be take 2 weeks then the other two weeks at a later time during the summer. He refuses to acknowledge that. There is no co-operation with him. It's always been his way on things and doesn't matter if it interfers with your life, plans, or anything. He simply does not care. I sat and thought for a while on the abuse/neglect. And I remembered a instance where at the age of 7, she managed to open a window and was hanging out of it. Not so bad right? Wrong. He lives on the 6th floor of a apartment building. She may be alittle dramatic, but I watched what he did to the other child from the time I entered their lives. It was exactly the same thing. He's not telling her to be quiet before he gets on the phone with a client. He has no clients. He works for a bank as the network admin and is currently on call for another week or so. Last summer when she stayed, she had to wake him up in order to go to work. He wouldn't set the alarm and said she would need to wake him up. She's like every kid, summer time means sleep in time alot. To even be able to get his attention at any point, (and yes, this still happens) with both children, they start off with "daddy?" for about 7 or 8 times. After about 10 minutes, of trying to get his attention, they had progressed to the point of calling him by his full name. Mind you, during this time, he's not working, or on the phone, he's usually watching tv, reading a book, or playing a game on the computer. Many times I have had to get up and go over to him and force him to acknowledge that they were speaking to him. I still have to do it today. I'm not sure if he's just so engrossed in himself or just doesn't want to hear them. My life is constantly put through hell around the summer and holidays. I'll get told 6 months in advance that he's coming in or not for that time and I make plans according to what he says. However, there have been many times, that he has told me he's not coming and I have made plans. Now, I'll say that I have asked him right up til 2 weeks before the holiday if he's still coming or not. There have been times he's called me the night before he gets ready to drive down that he's coming in and I have to cancel everything. On a side note, there is no adult conversation with him. It doesn't matter how calmly and rational my ideas or arguments are. I'm treated as if I'm 2 again and that I have completely no idea of anything. I'm just too stupid to know a damned thing about what goes on in the world or how to raise a child. I never grew up around other children nor did I babysit. Our two years of marrige, I learned on my own how to take care of that baby. He was never home until after 11pm and disappeared with his friends for the weekend or wanted all of us, to go out so he could have his time. I don't know if he's abusing her physically. I have told her on many occasions that no matter who they are or what they say, to come tell me about it. No matter how much one reassures a person of that, they still may never tell. I do know that he can inflict mental abuse. I took it for 2 years and for 3 more years after I left. He tells me things are one way, and when I go look it up, it's not that way. For instance, our divorce. He assured me that I had to wait a year before I could file a separation agreement. Blindly naive, I believed him and waited a year. Til a co-worker was going the the exact same process and told me she filed her's the week she moved out. Whoops... there was a year of things I should have been doing and never done it. So, I had to file the agreement then wait a bit. It took me almost 2 years to finally get my divorce. I left in Nov 97 and finalized in Dec 99. I have bent over backwards to accomodate his schedule for calling to talk to her. I have canceled birthday parties at the last minute before he came when he said he wasn't coming. I have one thing to add before I'm finished. His oldest daugther is 21. After the same treatment he gave her that is happening to this one now, she left and he now has no clue where she is. He managed to put himself out of two marriages and has lost communication with one child. I fear that he's going to do the same things and end up with the same thing happening. I can't prevent it if he's doing it himself. And let me stress it again since I'm not sure anyone is getting this part, I am not looking to completely cut him out of her life. I just want her to have some fairness on getting to decide alittle. You'd think after 8 years of her crying every time he gets her during the summer, he'd rethink about how the visits would go. I'm afraid that he simply does not care and needs to feel that he is in complete control. __________________ Quantum Cat Theory: Upon hearing the sound of a can being opened, it becomes possible for a cat to travel faster than the speed of light.