God how I hate to bump this thread, simply because it will inspire more people who haven't read this thread to read through, decide they disagree, and post their own
unique reason for me being oh-so-wrong.
The only reason I'm posting again is I felt it deserved some finality.
The reason you won't see many concessions in this thread is that I made the mistake of posting on a DICUSSION forum about something I didn't want to discuss. I wanted to preach, to tell people how I believed things were, to declare the "one true way" and not have it discussed or nit-picked. Selfish, I'll admit it. But so are most blogs -- thats why this would have been better suited as a Journal or a Blog, where high-and-mighty attitudes are just fine.
To me, this isn't an issue of learning. This isn't something I'm going to "open my mind to" or "learn about" or even need a pyschology degree to decide is right. It's something I believe in so strongly that I will NEVER change my mind.
With almost 2000 views and 127 replies, its apparent I ruffled some feathers. And so I apologize to those I've offended, those who feel I wasn't listening. I was, I just didn't realize at the time that I would never ever agree with you, because you were attacking my reason for living. If you were right, then why should I live?
The very reason that I live - that I perpetuate the existance of this flesh and fluid shell - is that I don't want to give up. It's my "religion." If I give up on something because I can't do it, don't think I'm smart enough, don't think I'm strong enough, don't think I have the skills - I die a little inside.
Giving up is the only failure that life has to offer. Fucking up a test in school -- that's not failure, that was bad planning. It was poor execution. It is motivation to better next time. Failure, to me, would be saying that I couldn't ever do better and I should give up. Or that I wasn't smart enough to take this class. Or any other fucking reason. They're all excuses, and they're all giving up. That it's not even worth trying again. And that's exactly what depression sounds like to me -- chemical or otherwise. TO ME, it's saying that "I give up -- it's not even worth trying to be happy. I'll just be depressed" There's absolutely no shame in asking for help, getting help, trying new things. Those are positive change, and they help you to get better. Refusing to ask for help when you're stuck, try something new when you're stuck - that's giving up and that's failure.
Yes, I know that's overly simplistic. But goddamned if it doesn't sound like failure to me. The reason I will never be depressed is that it would kill me inside that every second I stayed depressed was tantamount to giving up on myself. It's cliche, but every second is a chance to turn it all around and I feel like every second that I didn't spend bettering my position I'd be failing myself. That's fine if you don't, but I know there are a lot of people in the world who would benefit from a little ol fashioned DETERMINATION. I see so many people give up when they're so close to seeing the solution just because of self-doubt, self-loathing, or fear that they'll never accomplish.
And when those people finally decide "MOTHERFUCKING GOD DAMNIT IM GOING TO DO IT" -- they do.
In a previous post, someone noted that Winston Churchill suffered from depression. He did indeed, but he also said something in one of his speeches that resonates strongly with me and tells me that he wasn't a failure; he wouldn't give up and didn't accept depression as an excuse:
Quote:
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Never give in. Never give in. Never, never, never, never--in nothing, great or small, large or petty--never give in, except to convictions of honor and good sense. Never yield to force. Never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy.
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I don't know what more to say other than to suggest re-reading my initial post with THIS post in mind. You're still free to disagree, but I can guarantee that you won't change my mind.