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Originally Posted by ratbastid
Once you start listening to yourself speak, really watching for justification and explanation and hedging, you'll hear it all over the place--both in yourself and in others. None of that kind of talk leaves you with any power or freedom, it traps you into being the victim of something.
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Very interesting. You remind me of a quote from Nelson Mandela:
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure."
From what you say, and I've also observed the same phenomenon... we lie to ourselves, make ourselves passive, because we are afraid that we might actually HAVE power. We are afraid to take responsibility for our own happiness; it's easier to believe that others are supposed to make us happy, when in fact no one can. Only we have the power to do so... but we lie, to convince ourselves that we have no power, no freedom. I don't think that's true; no one, no matter where they are, is ever truly STUCK. There is always a way out, a way to find change, if we'd only stop lying to ourselves that we're stuck and have to "make do."
I know the kind of talk you mention here... of course, I am probably least sensitive to it in my own self, but in others I hear it often: the passive voice. It is one of my pet peeves when grading student papers, and then I go on to read it in every major academic journal. People with PhDs write entirely in the passive voice. Someone or something else is always the actor; never the author him/herself.
How interesting relationships would be if everyone was more compelled to use the active voice: "I will..." "I want... " "I am... " Not as a self-centered expression, but by simply being in charge of oneself, and how one will respond to things beyond one's control. Refusing to be passive, refusing to delude oneself. Can we handle that?