Right now I am sending out resumes and cover letters as I am trying to get out of retail and trying to find more professional work which would actually use my education/experience I acquired while in school. I have a BA in Communications and Media Studies from a prestigious little liberal arts school in the city I'm still living in, and right now I am trying to get an office job doing something of value at a non-profit or a college of some sort. While the Communications department at my school was actually one of the few Comm Studies departments in this country which actually required a fair amount of academic excellence (i.e. it wasn't my alma mater's "football majors" like you hear of it being at other schools), I find that in practice I could do a lot of things with what I learned from it, but it doesn't specialize me for any one sort of occupation at this time. At this point I am trying to net myself an administrative assistant position somewhere, though I am looking at other options too, such as being an admissions counselor at schools similiar to my own. Here are two cover letters I am working on, and I need feedback from people who are not me, and preferably have some actual HR experience, or at least a general idea of what effective cover letters for these kinds of jobs look like. Specific names of organizations pruned out to better respect the forum's TOU, just in case.
First, the admin assist cover letter:
Quote:
I am writing you today to express my interest in the Administrative Assistant II position (#xxxxxxx) on the <your school's> HR website. I am actively seeking an office assistant opportunity in a demanding, non-profit multi-tasking office. My experience in retail and working at <my school's>'s <library> have equipped me with a multitude of skills, and I would be most pleased to continue my growth at the <your school>.
In my professional history, I have excelled most notably in three areas which give me the skills and temperament to be an excellent administrative assistant: customer and coworker support/service, organizational tasks and projects, and taking on new projects and duties. During my tenure at <my school's library>, I found myself seeking out new ways to further organize and add efficiency to how the various departments I worked for operated and maintained records. I created the first paper check out system for a then-fledgling laptop checkout program, and a lightly-modified version based heavily on this first system was used alongside the computer-based system when the computer system was found to be fairly unreliable during the first year of use. I also helped develop the website for <the library>'s computer lab, composing much of the text used to explain several of the services that part of the library offered to the <my school> community. My time in <major retail chain> and the <small organic food co-op> saw me further taking on self-delegated projects to improve the overall efficiency and quality of service both stores. At <major retail chain> I maintained a paper inventory of in-store stock, which I reconciled against the computer inventory. At the <small organic food co-op> I played a crucial role in developing, maintaining, and using an order reservation system for two Thanksgiving turkey promotions as well as a waste-monitoring system for the occasionally high-loss meat department.
Ultimately, my helpful and considerate nature is what has motivated me to go above and beyond my specific work duties and become even greater assets to my past employers. I enjoy assisting those around me with whatever business brings them into my immediate area, and take great pride in knowing an organization is better off for having me work in it. I have been cited numerous times at <major retail chain> and the <small organic food co-op> for my going the extra proverbial mile in dispensing information (happily finding answers I might not have at the time and always being sure to follow up with anyone I start to help), for being sure to respect and honor any unique concerns a customer might have had in regards to special orders or simply just making best use of the stores' regular services, and for my skill in resolving the occasional customer conflict or dissatisfaction which will inevitably happen in customer service, no matter how competent and dedicated I or my coworkers are. I have even inspired letters of appreciation from long-term customers at the <small organic food co-op> for maintaining long-term relationships between them and the store, and always putting forth an out of the ordinary effort just for them (though I do extend this quality of service to all around me).
I really would enjoy putting these skills and tendencies to good use for <your school>, as not only is this position not only a great way to capitalize on my joy of serving other human beings, but also for the fact that <your school>'s commitment to philanthropy and improving the state of the world we all share is analogous to my own. I hope to hear from you soon, and I wish whomever is reading this the best of luck in your job search, and in whatever else you may find yourself doing.
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I'm afraid this one is a little long at this point (and yeah, the quote was filtered for length so that's what's up with that font size). Oh yeah, the HR dept I am going to submit this to has a "no phone calls" policy, so I'm not sure how to follow up and generally schmooze.
Next, the Admissions Counselor cover, which is also going to the same school. I'm more confident about this one, though feedback on this one would be great too.
Quote:
I am writing you today to express my interest in the Admissions Counselor position (#xxxxxx) as described on the <your school's> HR website. In addition to being technically and clerically qualified to work within at team office environment such as the Office of Undergraduate Admissions, my own experience as a student in one of the most comparable schools in the area in regards to co-ed private eduation, academic excellence, and service to my fellow brothers and sisters in this world.
As the first person in my very low income family to ever attend a private four year institution and graduate with a Bachelor degree, I am most qualified to advise potential student on the realities of collegiate life from a severely disadvantaged person's perspective. I grew up in a very isolated and oppurtunity-lacking part of rural Minnesota, and had it not been for my being accepted at <my school> (and their excellent financial aid programs) my professional prospects would have remained exceptionally limited and bleak. While I am of European descent and cannot say I have experienced the level of discrimination persons of color do sometimes endure in our society, I do know how terrible it is to question the viability of pursuing one's dreams without any sort of support structure or connections enjoyed by those who are more affluent or otherwise advantaged. I also know that with institutions such as the <your school> and of course my beloved <my school>, it is indeed possible for someone at least as equally marginalized by society as I felt to better themselves and do something worthwhile in this world. Macalester's commitment to fostering an international scale is at its core the same as <your school>'s mission to lead bright young people into lives of service to their common man.
I see serving as an admissions counselor at <your school> would help me to stay true to the ideals of social justice and philanthropic brotherhood instilled in me by my own alma mater, all the while doing something to support an equally worthwhile and altruistic institution. This would be an oppurtunity to give the same great opurtunity I was given to others like me (and maybe a few unlike me, but equally deserving and with the same good nature), and I do sincerely hope to talk to you fine people some time within the near future. I thank you for reading this over and giving me your consideration, and I do hope to hear from you in the near future.
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So yeah, there they are, tell me what you think, though bear in mind these are both first drafts and I am aware there are a few typos and other errors in the language I need to fix (partially why I'm looking for someone else to look through these). I know there are a lot of exceptionally intelligent and experienced people who read/post here, so any constructive criticisms and suggestions are most valued. Thanks
