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Old 06-08-2006, 04:55 AM   #12 (permalink)
JumpinJesus
Junkie
 
Location: Chicago
Quote:
Originally Posted by Infinite_Loser

The biggest problem I have isn't the fact that by moving in together, I will be giving up a fair amount of freedoms and I don't think I quite want to let go of them just yet. Ehhh... That's a terrible reason, I know, but I don't think I'm quite ready to take that step.

No, it's not a terrible reason. In fact, it's probably the best reason you could have for not wanting to move in together. A terrible reason would be: She doesn't brush her teeth until right before going to bed.

Keep in mind that any advice we offer is based solely on what we know of the situation from what we've read here, but based upon what I've read, I see a lot of red flags going up. The first and most obvious to me is that she's using manipulation and guilt to get you to do this. She's attempting to get you to do something you don't feel you're ready to do in order to prove your love for her. I realize you love her, but I can promise you that if you give in to this, things will only get worse. This isn't about a man being a man or anything of the sort - it's about you asserting yourself and your wants before they get usurped on a daily basis by someone who doesn't seem all that interested in your happiness.

Fear can make us do strange things. I say fear because your main reason for moving in with her is the fear of losing her if you don't. Do you really want to make such a large decision based on fear?

My best advice would be to tell her exactly what you've told us. You sound very thoughtful about this and very conscientious about your decision. If she does love and respect you, she will hear you out. If she is unwilling to respect your wishes now, then you are getting a preview of exactly how the rest of your relationship will be.
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