I won't even tell you what ours cost. It would horrify your practical mind (it did mine!). Q is the oldest son in a family with no daughters, and they're a bit more traditional, so they wanted a bigger shindig. It was their money, so we went with it. It was a beautiful day, with all the people we love most and a ceremony that was entirely original/non-traditional/non-religious.
Things that are worth money in my mind:
Some money:
photos. Get an art school student. I recommend photojournalistic style for immediacy and beauty. Worth some dough.
Dress: Okay, look. I am NOT a girl who ever daydreamed about her wedding day blah blah blah. Not at ALL. BUT the dress... *sigh* the dress... it was perfect. I felt like a beautiful princess, it was simple and elegant and way too expensive.
Don't skimp on whatever dress makes you happy. Yep, it's one day. But it's a damned good day.
Music: If you just want boogie music, the hell with a DJ - just get a friend to toggle your iPod. Seriously. You just need to hear the speeches! For Q, it was a big deal to have a live band, because he wanted to play with them. We sang a duet during our ceremony, his friends put together a song for us that they performed during the reception, he rocked with the band, so did his friends and brother... it was cool. But if that doesn't matter to you, don't bother!
Ceremony: This is where we switched things up. We got our theater professor ordained at the universal life church online so he could do the ceremony. It was all about Shakespeare, baby.
We wrote our own vows and I do's, chose our own rituals, and sang to each other (Power of Two by the Indigo Girls). We boogied down the aisle afterwards to a bluegrass version of "Let's Get It On". It was fun!
Cake: My mother baked the cakes. Yes, cakeS. 10. 5 different kinds. (She was feeding 112 people!) We had someone decorate them professionally because you have to do that the day for it to work, and I wasn't going to have her completely stress out. They were awesome.
She did my brother's and sister's weddings too. Nope, not a pastry chef!
My sister got married in a state park, at an overlook of the gorge in the Adirondack mountains. Her friend did the ceremony (similar to our professor). My brother grilled for the reception. She rented open tents and chairs etc. There were maybe 50 people. Her decorations consisted of 1000 paper cranes for luck (she folded those herself). Her wedding dress was a cream evening gown that was a little beaded but simple and lovely. I went barefoot. Her best friend (and photographer) did all the shots.
The only way to be frugal and not feel frugal is to let people pitch in. My brother had 20 people and had it at the restaurant/B&B his wife worked at (gorgeous place). Her friends are chefs, so they cooked, and her boss donated the food.
Hope that helps...