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madp · 06-05-2006, 12:19 PM

Chad, please allow me to offer some potentially offensive observations as food for thought:

'm struck by a couple of themes in your posts. First, you began to try to save the relationship only after *you* realized how much *you* need it. All subsequent posts have been tinged with hints of desperation about the emotional pain the loss would cause you, and your "changes" and behaviors seem to be motivated by your emotional need to maintain this relationship.
This sounds like a selfish, immature love (much like what got you to this stage in the first place).

What a marriage needs is selfless love. This is your wife, and the mother of your children. If your love is selfless, you motive is to make sure that she and your children get whatever they need to be safe, healthy, and happy. If your wife needs to break away to be happy, a selfless love would compell you to tell her how badly that would hurt you, but that you ultimately want for her whatever she needs. If that means letting her go, you should be prepared to make it as much of a positive growth experience for both of you as possible. In doing so, you can maintain the love and emotional connection even if you don't remain a couple. This is a crucial component to raising emotionally healthy children. Also, you can both take what you have learned from this relationship and use it to build a much more fulfilling relationship with someone new in the future.

I'm not saying don't fight for her. . .I'm just suggesting that you honestly examine your motives. I'd bet that your wife has an innate sense of your motives, and will probably remain unresponsive if it "feels" selfish to her.

A couple of questions for you: could you be happy for her if she decided to leave you and took up with a new partner? Can you maintain a solid sense of yourself as a confident, strong, good man if she leaves you and takes up with a new partner? If you aren't at this point mentally, I would highly recommend that you get yourself into therapy. It sounds like a divorce is a distinct possibility, and you owe it to yourself to not let it wreck you.

Sincerely, I wish nothing but strength and wisdom for you in this difficult time. This kind of adversity can be a defining moment for a truly great man.

06-05-2006, 12:19 PM	#25 (permalink)
madp Insane Location: New Orleans/Chicago	Chad, please allow me to offer some potentially offensive observations as food for thought: 'm struck by a couple of themes in your posts. First, you began to try to save the relationship only after you realized how much you need it. All subsequent posts have been tinged with hints of desperation about the emotional pain the loss would cause you, and your "changes" and behaviors seem to be motivated by your emotional need to maintain this relationship. This sounds like a selfish, immature love (much like what got you to this stage in the first place). What a marriage needs is selfless love. This is your wife, and the mother of your children. If your love is selfless, you motive is to make sure that she and your children get whatever they need to be safe, healthy, and happy. If your wife needs to break away to be happy, a selfless love would compell you to tell her how badly that would hurt you, but that you ultimately want for her whatever she needs. If that means letting her go, you should be prepared to make it as much of a positive growth experience for both of you as possible. In doing so, you can maintain the love and emotional connection even if you don't remain a couple. This is a crucial component to raising emotionally healthy children. Also, you can both take what you have learned from this relationship and use it to build a much more fulfilling relationship with someone new in the future. I'm not saying don't fight for her. . .I'm just suggesting that you honestly examine your motives. I'd bet that your wife has an innate sense of your motives, and will probably remain unresponsive if it "feels" selfish to her. A couple of questions for you: could you be happy for her if she decided to leave you and took up with a new partner? Can you maintain a solid sense of yourself as a confident, strong, good man if she leaves you and takes up with a new partner? If you aren't at this point mentally, I would highly recommend that you get yourself into therapy. It sounds like a divorce is a distinct possibility, and you owe it to yourself to not let it wreck you. Sincerely, I wish nothing but strength and wisdom for you in this difficult time. This kind of adversity can be a defining moment for a truly great man. __________________ why are you wearing that stupid man suit?