Wedding cakes can cost as much as car does in some cases... if you aren't all about the tradition of things.. .you could easily do cupcakes (which taste a lot better) either home made (Have I got recipes for you.. .and cake decoriting isnt that tough to master..) or from a bakery... Just some nice cake plates to put them on and you're good to go...
Seamstress? Eh - check the yellow pages... Depending on what you're looking for in a dress.. you're close enough to NYC- take the train up to NYC and go to Kleinfeld's... or look at sample sales... where you can get dresses for a fraction of the cost...
Gifts aren't just the fancy candlesticks and the place settings for 25 -- gifts are also checks that can be used to help out in your first year of marriage (some smart brides and grooms also set up accounts to be used for the purchase of the first house for all the loot.. rather than crap that no one needs
based on what you are describing.. i'd still look at a destination wedding... easily done (honeymoon included) for under 5 grand... and it's a very memorable experience... (had friends get married on the beach - she wore a gauzey cotton dress and he wore linen pants and shirt - no shoes no socks no worries... it was a lovely ceremony and the spot the picked was pretty close to paradise...)