Wow, thanks for all the feedback. This is really helpful to get at least a ballpark idea of what "normal" weddings cost (since ours will not be normal).
$18k...
I should clear up a few things: ktspktsp's and my family are spread across 5+ different countries, and we have only a handful of friends/family in the U.S., period (I'm the only American in both of our families). So if only the U.S. folks come, it's seriously going to be a tiny wedding.
We're just too international for one of these big American shebangs... I mean, most of our relatives are an 18 hour plane trip away from Seattle (Thailand and Lebanon, respectively... and Icelanders never get married, period, so they probably wouldn't come either). So we will most likely have a simple ceremony at home (ktspktsp is an atheist and does not want any kind of church wedding), and maybe rent a place for a reception... but even that is up in the air, given our small number of guests.
Also, I agree that a professional photographer is necessary, but do we really need such fancy food? I mean, gifts are nice and all, but the reality is that we won't be living together until January (I still have courses to finish), and then we'll be moving to Iceland for a year. We won't be lugging tons of wedding gifts along with us. So any gifts would have to sit in storage for a good 17 months... we're wondering if there's any point, really. So I feel less pressure to feed the guests well, I suppose. (The cheapest caterings I've seen are $14-$15 per head.)
We don't know any seamstresses who can make a dress, we don't know bakers who will make a cake, we don't know any good music people to be DJ's... and we know one aspiring photographer, but he lives in Chicago!
(Can we fly you out, JJ?) So those are going to be major costs, but we just want to keep them as low as possible. We are not really into the frou-frou details, but we don't want something ghetto, either.
So, maybe I should rephrase my question. IF you knew you would have less than 50 people for guests, and you didn't want a religious wedding, and you didn't plan to make gifts a huge deal because of logistical issues... what would you do, and how much would you expect to spend?