I don't think Analog is being particularly
discouraging... he's just giving it to you straight. I think he's giving you very good advice on what to expect, realistically. As a woman, I can tell you all about emotional defense mechanisms... and how long it takes to rebuild trust. It's not impossible. But it's not guaranteed, either. It requires *so much* daily work, attention to detail, making up for all the years of neglect... that woman is going to take her time recovering and letting you in again, and that choice is ultimately hers. Take heart in the fact that she hasn't filed papers yet... seriously, that says something.
Your work is cut out for you... you just have to keep it up!
You are doing a great job, so far, but it is a long road ahead. Don't give up, because in the end, no matter what the outcome, at least you can say that you put 110% into it... and that's a valuable fact.