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Sharon · 05-29-2006, 05:56 PM

Thanks again for your replies.

The bipolar post caught my eye in a big way. I felt like you were describing me. I will look into seeing a professional - I don't know how it works here in the UK and whether I will be able to afford it.

I slipped again tonight. I went to a bar with a beautiful friend of mine, who got pulled just before closing time and went home with an attractive banker. I approached a middle-aged man (nothing wrong with middle-aged men by the way, this one just happened to overweight and sleazy as hell) who had tried to chat my friend up earlier, asked him when he had last had sex (the look on his face alone was worth it. The answer was four years), and then told him it was his lucky night. I didn't have a condom so he had to settle for feeling around in my ass with a finger and getting a blowjob.

There is a bit of history to me which may be relevant. When I was 18, I decided to assert my independence and spend a year backpacking around the world. It didn't take long before I realised I had no idea how to handle money or cope in foreign countries, and one night, completely broke, I walked into a club which said they were looking for girls. I ended up working there for two months. Let me just say that if you know any girls who are considering stripping, please try to persuade them not to. I was never forced to have sex with a customer, but at least at the club I was at, touching was allowed to the point where it was more or less sex to me anyway.

I never told my family what I did, and only a couple of my closest friends know.

I am aware that it is probably a part of why I act and feel the way I do, I just don't understand why. I would have thought that having done it, the opposite would be true, sex would be less of a big deal to me now... yet I find myself constantly looking for those situations again - with someone I'm repulsed by, him doing unwanted things to me that give me almost unbearable discomfort, like a moth being repeatedly drawn to a flame it knows will singe its flesh.

Wow, I've just read that last line again. It sure sounds a lot like I am an addict. This is too fucked up. Oh hell, I'll read this again in the morning when I haven't drunk so much.

05-29-2006, 05:56 PM	#28 (permalink)
Sharon Coy, sultry and... naughty! Location: Across the way	Thanks again for your replies. The bipolar post caught my eye in a big way. I felt like you were describing me. I will look into seeing a professional - I don't know how it works here in the UK and whether I will be able to afford it. I slipped again tonight. I went to a bar with a beautiful friend of mine, who got pulled just before closing time and went home with an attractive banker. I approached a middle-aged man (nothing wrong with middle-aged men by the way, this one just happened to overweight and sleazy as hell) who had tried to chat my friend up earlier, asked him when he had last had sex (the look on his face alone was worth it. The answer was four years), and then told him it was his lucky night. I didn't have a condom so he had to settle for feeling around in my ass with a finger and getting a blowjob. There is a bit of history to me which may be relevant. When I was 18, I decided to assert my independence and spend a year backpacking around the world. It didn't take long before I realised I had no idea how to handle money or cope in foreign countries, and one night, completely broke, I walked into a club which said they were looking for girls. I ended up working there for two months. Let me just say that if you know any girls who are considering stripping, please try to persuade them not to. I was never forced to have sex with a customer, but at least at the club I was at, touching was allowed to the point where it was more or less sex to me anyway. I never told my family what I did, and only a couple of my closest friends know. I am aware that it is probably a part of why I act and feel the way I do, I just don't understand why. I would have thought that having done it, the opposite would be true, sex would be less of a big deal to me now... yet I find myself constantly looking for those situations again - with someone I'm repulsed by, him doing unwanted things to me that give me almost unbearable discomfort, like a moth being repeatedly drawn to a flame it knows will singe its flesh. Wow, I've just read that last line again. It sure sounds a lot like I am an addict. This is too fucked up. Oh hell, I'll read this again in the morning when I haven't drunk so much.