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Originally Posted by Sharon
I don't really know what it is I am feeling guilty about. If I am really honest with myself, I am probably more worried what others would think of me if they knew. I know we are all supposed to live by our own compass and all that, but it is likely a part of my self-esteem issues that I am bothered about whether my friends, family, colleagues, or even other strangers would lose respect and affection for me.
On the question of whether (and why) I feel it was wrong, I don't really know how to define "wrong". It's just not what good girls are supposed to do, and I've always been a "good girl" in the eyes of those around me, and have had to try to keep it up to keep them happy... little do they know what goes on in my head.
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So you did something that you were raised to think was wrong as a big secretive "fuck you" to everyone who told you it is. This isn't the problem, the problem is that you thought it would make you feel better about yourself and it did the opposite. I wouldn't see any reason for concern if you ended up feeling good about it considering that you took reasonable precautions to be safe, but it looks to me like you're trying to prove to yourself that you can do and get anything you want in an attempt to boost self-esteem, and then feeling worse about yourself becase you subconsicoiusly feel that something that you think is wrong (even if you don't want to think it is) is the best way to prove something to yourself.