Ratbastid said it all... listen to him, and get some help.
But one sentence I focused on was this one:
Quote:
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Originally Posted by Sharon
an ache to do it again to see whether it would work this time.
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What did you mean by "whether it would work this time?" What is "it," and if it "worked," what do you think it would feel or look like? I think this would be a good point to begin with, in counseling... what did you have in mind as "working" for this experience, and why did you feel like it didn't happen the first time?