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Actually, I think you are doing everything you can be doing. Make sure that when you talk to her about all this stuff, you are honest and take responsibility for how things went downhill. Take her through the mental pathways you traveled to get here from there. That might help her believe you, that you're sincere.
One thing you should learn to embrace: if you truly, truly love her, you want her to be happy as much as you want to be happy yourself. You cannot force a person to love you back and be happy again. So make sure she knows (if it's true, that is) that you will do whatever it takes to make her and your family happy again. If that means letting her go, you will do that too. But not without trying everything else first.
Give her some time. It's going to take a lot longer than 3 weeks to undo 9 years. Lots. Like a year or two. Hunker down - this is a seige, not a pitched battle. Be consistent, and only do/say/act on things that are TRUE and SINCERE. After all this... neither of you deserve any less.
Good luck.
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My heart knows me better than I know myself, so I'm gonna let it do all the talkin'.
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