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Look, in one sense, there's nothing wrong with what you did. People do things like that. The act itself isn't a problem.
The thing to be looking at is why you were doing it. You were looking to fill a hole in your self-image, and you did it in a way that left you with less respect for yourself, not more. That's the thing to be dealing with here--the self-destructive nature of this thing. Not that the ACT is necessarily self-destructive--if you loved doing it and were excited about doing it again, that'd be totally fine with a lot of us here at TFP; frankly, we've heard weirder things. It was the intent behind it the act that was self-destructive.
The fact that you then thought about doing it again--like it would work the next time--smacks of addictive thinking. In fact, the thoughts and feelings you describe are classic sex addict motivation. I strongly suggest you find a professional cousellor or therapist to discuss these issues with.
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