Wow. Quite a story there Sharon. I can't really associate, but I can say I've wanted to do what you've done, but always knew I couldn't because I wouldn't be able to stand the guilt.
I find it interesting that you admit feeling guilt. Guilt isn't a popular emotion here on TFP. Very few people will admit to feeling it. They may be genuinely telling the truth, that they have lost the capacity to feel guilt for what they know is wrongdoing, which I find hard to believe...
I suggest you answer for yourself why you feel guilty about what you did. Why should you feel guilty for having consentual sex with 12 strangers in a bathroom stall? Do you think that what you did is wrong? Wrong by what standard? A moral code? Whose? Yours? I am not trying to mock your pain, but rather help you to work through it. I hope that sentiment comes across.
These are just some things you could think about, and I'd love to hear your response.
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I have faith in a few things - divinity and grace
But even when I'm on my knees I know the devil preys
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