personally, i don't believe in the institution of marriage. it is an archaic ceremony based in the transfer of property (the bride) from the father to the husband - nothing more.
and it makes me want to vomit when i hear people exchange the more traditional vows "to honour and obey" (i bet you can guess what i am going to say about taking your partners name
)
- even if this weren't true, i am not one for bringing the government into any of my relationships.
if i truelly love someone and plan to eternally cherish them - i can do so without a piece of paper and a minister/judge.
if i want to express my love for them and pledge my commitment to them in front of friends and family - i can still do so without a piece of paper and a minister/judge.
with one of my friends,... bout 8 yrs. ago, a small group of us gathered in the forest. the couple stripped their bodies of all binding material and held hands as they exchanged some beautiful words. then they turned and ran and jumped into the lake, holding hands.
it was the most meaningful and
real union i have ever been to (unfortunately, i have been tortured to sit through many weddings) and i am certain their bond will outlast all those that i have witnessed come together.
all that said, i
did get married.
i was young and in love and was not as aware of the history and the legal consequences and, consequently, didn't feel as strongly opposed to marriage as i do now.
i was never one of those little girls who played wedding and, in fact, never wanted to get married.
but my ex really wanted me to marry him, and it came down to weighing his desire against my feeling that it is just a piece of paper. since he felt more strongly about the matter, i gave into a small and casual wedding/party in his parent's living room and backyard. it was arguably, THE stupidest thing i have
ever done... heh...
i totally would have kicked myself if i'd taken his name!!! but that is something that would have NEVER come to pass. i like my last name, but even if i didn't,... i have convictions.
he brought it up to me once. i told him it's not happening, but if he felt the need he could certainly take mine. he never brought it up again.
(i wouldn't have liked him to take my name either. i don't see it as any different)
i understand some people, in starting a new life together, want to do something symbolic to show their unity.
i think that can be very beautiful, but i don't think the female taking the males name, out of tradition, is (in any way) beautful or symbolic of unity.
it is not a fusion of two beings, but the absorption of one into the other. ughh....
many females these days "keep" their "maiden" name as their middle name and take their spouse's as their surname to try to alleviate some of that feelng of giving so much up. i don't see how that is any different. they are still trading in their identity for their partner's (and who pays attention to or even knows other's middle names - i rarely even care to know people's last names). i think they are just deluding themselves.
even if i was into getting married, i don't even know any guys (that i could love or even be attracted to) that would ever even consider making the last name an issue --
especially because it is based on bullshit tradition &
especially especially because it is based on bullshit SEXIST tradition. (anyone who contends that the female taking the males name is not based in sexist tradition is in vital need of a history lesson)
intelligence, enlightenment, and egalitarian sentiments are all prerequisites for occupying the space between my legs..... not to mention, a place in my heart&mind.
BOTH PARTNERS hyphenating the names is an option. but if i were ever possessed to change my name in a show of union with another, i would probably pick something that represents both me and my mate, or our love for eachother, and change both of our names to that.
i think SecretMethod70's well thought-out and sobering post (#38) said it all... just had to put my 2 cents in there.
