abaya

A jumble of thoughts came to mind while reading this thread...

I feel much as Tecoyah does about what I believed in the past, and how it formed me as a person... and how I do not regret that time in my life, but I no longer subscribe to such things.

I cannot lead a life without spirituality, however. I am not sure if anyone can; if they claim to, I feel that their definition of spirituality is too strict and they do not see how spiritually infused their own worlds really are. Even the capacity to love is a spiritual act, to me... some atheists are better at loving than many Christians are, in my experience. In that sense, I believe all beings are spiritually connected, though most are not aware of their connection; "we see through a glass darkly." And often, I am not sure if it is even necessary to be so "aware" of such things... because at the moment one becomes aware, then the ego enters the picture and skews it a bit (Hannah Arendt wrote of this, and it is implied in countless koans).

This is why I am so drawn to Buddhism... the philosophy that one cannot put the highest meanings into words; that all is impermanent, even our own feelings and selves... to be Buddhist is to simply live, to experience, to find meaning in each present moment. It is not a religion, it is a state of mind. I am not "converting" to anything; I am finding more of myself, even without a proper "faith." Maybe because it is not a proper faith.

Another thought, in response to the OP: I used to think all suffering was part of God's will, etc. I no longer see the connection between the two, nor do I see the need for faith (at least not a religious one) to be involved in an understanding of suffering. But let me take for example my current long-distance relationship, which is certainly a source of much suffering for me, on a weekly basis.

I have always thought about it in such negative terms; when I was a Christian, I would have "surrendered" this pain to God, asking him to carry it for me, asking that I be taught what I was supposed to learn from this situation, etc. These days, however, I find that even while I feel the same pain, I do not perceive the same outlet for that pain. I can find meaning in our long-distance situation, despite the suffering, without praying to a being to "make it okay." Our distance simply provides a time of growth for us as individuals, and that is the comfort I take in its present state. I don't believe this is a meaning determined by God or anyone other than ourselves; but the meaning is still there, without a religious context. There can be meaning without faith, though one might say that my faith in our relationship, my hope for our love, is the source of my "meaning."

I suppose I have become a secular humanist Buddhist with strong Christian and agnostic roots. Go figure... I'd like to reach a state of Being, rather than constantly Becoming, but perhaps that is reserved for a time in the future.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran