Sultana

Side note to start: One of the things I am trying to work on in myself is sharing with friends when I am down (which I tend to never do), so I am kinda forcing myself to post this. It's not a cry for attention or affirmation. Welcome to my therapy!
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I just found out this morning that someone I don't know very well, but had hoped to get to know better and become friends with (wife of a co-worker), thinks I aggressivly dislike her. I was absolutely shocked to hear this. It all happened at a party at her house. I had looked forward greatly to this party (in fact it was the pajama party I posted pictures of the red lace "pj's" I made especially for the event). Had a great time, nothing was odd to me.

But apparently the wife feels that I basically non-verbally told her to "F*ck Off". I couldn't be more surprised and dismayed. She's not a bitch or anything at ALL, she's a really nice lady, very easy going (so I thought, and have been told by others, heh). I cannot fathom how I could have made anyone feel like this, without even trying, without even feeling remotely negative towards her! Her hubby assures me that it's not a jealousy thing, which is good, because once that demon starts, it's pretty much game over no matter what the truth is. Anyways. I sent her the following email:
"Hello (wife)~

Hey, (hubby) just spoke to me, and told me about the impressions you got from me at your party, and how your feelings were hurt.

I was so surprised to hear this, I completely had no idea! I never, EVER intended to give you the impression that I disliked you, that I felt any disrespect for you, nothing like that at all. I’m so, SO sorry that you got that impression from me, and I’m horrified that I could have acted in a way to make you think that, without even trying. Honestly, I think you’re lovely, a very smart and interesting person, and had hoped (and still do, actually) that we could get to know each other better.

I’d like to talk with you in person about this, if you are willing (at your convenience). I want to do whatever I can to change this impression you got from me, and show you that I’m really not that way. The only thing I can think of that contributed to this is that the hubby and I got into rather a lengthy…discussion on the way to the party, and perhaps I’m not as good as I thought I was at putting that negativity aside. But I don’t want you to think I am making excuses or anything. I am certainly willing to accept responsibility for whatever happened. I don’t think you are a difficult person to get along with, so I have to accept that something was going on. I just hope you are willing to entertain the idea that it was *completely* unintentional, and maybe give me the opportunity to make it up.

Thank you for your time, and for allowing (hubby) the opportunity to tell me what was going on.

Me
Ext. 5555
Cell 555-5555 (cell isn’t on during work hours)"

I knew she read the email hours ago, and hasn't responded (yet).

So I'm basically sitting here, feeling horrible, with a literal lump in my throat. I'm actually rather hoping she doesn't call me, 'cause I'm afraid I'll cry, which is, if you knew me, rather very uncharacteristic.

I don't really know what posting about it here will help, except that if anyone thinks they might have any insite or input, I'd appreciate it.

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"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath.
At night, the ice weasels come." -

Matt Groening

My goal? To fulfill my potential.