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Originally Posted by lurkette
If everything is handled responsibly by the adults, the kid'll be fine.
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i completely agree.
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Originally Posted by lurkette
But I'm just saying, be sure she's on the same page as the OP: is she looking for a fling, a relationship, a father for her kid, what? Things undeniably get complicated when you add a kid to the mix.
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true. people must make sure they are on the same page in any type of relationship.
and i tend to think humans -and, by extention, human relationships- are extremely complicated, regardless.
i mostly agree with what you are saying, i just believe there are numerable things that complicate relationships more than a child.
some people (not speaking of you) forget that the child is a whole other human and that the relationship you have with them is completely independent of the relationship you may have with their parent - just as a relationship you have with a parent is completely independent of a relationship you may or may not have with their child.
and to reiterate, unless the relationship gets really serious or,as i said, the partner is presented as a guardian or parental figure in the child's life, i see a parent's partner as equal, in the child's life, to any other close friend that the parent has.
but i do respect your opinion & recognize that it more closely resembles opinions of the majority.
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Originally Posted by lurkette
I may be a bit biased - my girlfriend and her husband are trying to get pregnant, and when that happens, I, and to the extent that he's willing, ratbastid, are going to be co-parents. Suddenly, the nature and definition of "Our" relationship matters, while up till now everyone's been pretty happy keeping things loose. But when there's a kid involved, we're going to have to make some decisions about how our relationship(s) are defined, and what level of commitment we have beyond our immutable friendship, and how we're going to explain anything to the eventual kid who's going to have to live with a non-traditional arrangement. Whether we like it or not, that kid's needs are going to come before what's best for our relationship, and it took a lot of soul-searching before I, a person who doesn't want kids herself, really knew that I wanted to stay with D (my girlfriend) no matter what.
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hmm... i see.
that is, unquestionably, a difficult situation, as the relationships are all already defined, (apparently) serious, and working as they are.
especially, given the fact that you had already established that you do not want kids.
i hope that everything works out for you guys, or that you find an alternative path to hapiness.