I'm sure if I looked, I could find some statistic that will tell you that orgasms, for women, are a certain percentage in your mind... I'd be willing to wager that number is pretty darned high...
For me, orgasms are rare... It's not that I don't enjoy sex, good lord, i'd have it three times a day given the chance, but that elusive orgasm rarely happens... It's tougher on the guy than it is on me... because there's an pretty fragile ego involved -no you didn't do anythig wrong, you did everything right, it really is me.. but no i'm not a freak show... (well maybe a little)
For me, it's 97.82 percent mental... that I can't relax enough, or just be "in the moment" and go with what happens... my head is always jumping three spaces ahead and wondering if I will or I won't.. .once I get to that head space -- I can't... and all the advice given and all the books written on the subect - don't help - -unless you've been there, on a regular basis, you can't imagine the frustration... and that makes it worse...
What do I suggest? Relax... (easier said than done) Don't worry so much if you will or you won't (easier said than done)... One thing that did help me a bit (and I can't beleive i'm actually saying this) was a bit of role playing... where the guy I was involved with I gave over total control to (that was a huge thing for me... and not something I've ever done) we got out the blindfolds, silk scarves, he got to play with japanese rope bondage, and headphones with music so I couldn't hear or see what was coming next... Justwas completely in the moment.. .and it happened... (hasn't happened much since then... but... I haven't given up hope...
Hang in there, tibbar, you will find what works for you... be honest with your husband... take some pressure off yourself... and have fun -- sex is supposed to be fun... and pleasurable - -worrying about an orgasm is entirely too stressful... just enjoy the ride...