Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - Could fundamental differences be a key in relationships?

midgard · 04-29-2006, 01:56 AM

Ideaologic differences in a relationship are only a problem if A) you let them be a problem, or B) either party is expected by the other to change. You will never find another person who feels the same as you do on everything. For example, I am fairly liberal politcally and non-religious whereas my wife is fairly conservative and is very religious. We both joke about how we cancel each other's vote out at the polls!

Whenever a contentious issue comes up between us, we both try and keep the following in mind:

1. My belief structure is mine and works for me. I have a different world view than you may have, mainly because I have my own experiences and history that brought me to that point.

2. I try very hard not to assign "right" and "wrong". You feel your way and I feel my way. I find that usually, that both sides of an issue have their valid issues, and it really comes down to evaluating the pros and cons of each side. Rarely is it ever Black and White.

3. While I dislike your POSITION on a topic, that in no way means I dislike YOU.

4. It is not my job to convert you, nor is it your job to convert me. This really is about mutual respect and seeing the otherside's viewpoint.

5. Finally, what can best be described as "Your right to wave your arms wildly about ends at my face", by which I mean, when the actions that you take from your belief starts to cause me direct harm, then I will be within my rights to ask you to stop.

Having said all that though, I have found it interesting that small ideaologic differences are often blown out of proportion once the relationship starts to erode. When the relationship is strong, differences are not important. When the relationship is rocky, every little thing is a big deal. It is almost like you start making mental tallies of all the reasons why you shouldn't be together.

I hoped my ramblings made some sort of sense...

04-29-2006, 01:56 AM	#3 (permalink)
midgard Upright Location: Oregon	Ideaologic differences in a relationship are only a problem if A) you let them be a problem, or B) either party is expected by the other to change. You will never find another person who feels the same as you do on everything. For example, I am fairly liberal politcally and non-religious whereas my wife is fairly conservative and is very religious. We both joke about how we cancel each other's vote out at the polls! Whenever a contentious issue comes up between us, we both try and keep the following in mind: 1. My belief structure is mine and works for me. I have a different world view than you may have, mainly because I have my own experiences and history that brought me to that point. 2. I try very hard not to assign "right" and "wrong". You feel your way and I feel my way. I find that usually, that both sides of an issue have their valid issues, and it really comes down to evaluating the pros and cons of each side. Rarely is it ever Black and White. 3. While I dislike your POSITION on a topic, that in no way means I dislike YOU. 4. It is not my job to convert you, nor is it your job to convert me. This really is about mutual respect and seeing the otherside's viewpoint. 5. Finally, what can best be described as "Your right to wave your arms wildly about ends at my face", by which I mean, when the actions that you take from your belief starts to cause me direct harm, then I will be within my rights to ask you to stop. Having said all that though, I have found it interesting that small ideaologic differences are often blown out of proportion once the relationship starts to erode. When the relationship is strong, differences are not important. When the relationship is rocky, every little thing is a big deal. It is almost like you start making mental tallies of all the reasons why you shouldn't be together. I hoped my ramblings made some sort of sense... __________________ Praise not the day until the evening has come; the woman until she has been burnt; the sword until it has been tried; the maiden until she is married; the ice until it has been crossed; or the beer until it has been drunk. - Viking proverb Last edited by midgard; 04-29-2006 at 04:58 AM..