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Originally Posted by la petite moi
I still have extreme selfesteem issues, that I need to talk to a doctor for.
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This is more than obvious from reading some of your other posts in here. You are beating the holy hell out of yourself for a problem that you are not causing. It's not like you woke up one morning and said "Hey! I think I want sex to be painful and unpleasant from now on!"
It's a problem, yes, and it's a problem with your body, yes, but it is not your fault any more than having a wart would be your fault. Sometimes these things just happen, and while I know it's hard, you have to come to terms with the fact that sometimes your body doesn't do what your mind wants it to do, and that's simply not your fault.
I'm not saying you don't need to try to solve the problem - you do - but part of that solution is to stop mentally abusing yourself over it.
Your self esteem issues are obviously not something that can be completely worked through by talking to people on a message board - it's a good thing you're going to a psychologist - but I do have a couple of observations.
First off nwlinkvxd needs to be more understanding. If I was causing my wife pain every time we had sex, I'd uh. . .stop having sex with her until we figured out why. I'm not willing to hurt my lady in order to have sex.
Most of the pain you mention seems to be a simple result of size and your inability to accomodate it. I'd be willing to bet at least half of that is because you've wrapped yourselves into a viscious cycle - namely "oh shit this is gonna hurt" does not exactly lead to relaxation and enjoyment of sex. It's going to take a long time, and probably some specialized sex therapy, to get you two out of this cycle - not only do we need to find and solve the physical problems, but we also need to address the mental issues that are caused by, and are amplifying, the physical ones. Mental issues does not mean your crazy - you're just responding logically to the situation. If sex hurt the last 100 times, it's logical to assume it's going to hurt this time - and if you assume that then you're naturally not going to be relaxed, your muscles will tense up, and that will amplify the pain.
Hope some of that rambling made sense, but the bottom line is that you must come to understand that this is not your fault and does not reflect on who you are.