Jack Bauer would have gotten the ring to Mordor in 24 hours
Jack Bauer does not sleep. The only rest he needs is what he gets when he's knocked out or temporarily killed
Jack Bauer knows what you did last summer.
Instead of buzzing, Jack Bauer's alarm clock screams out "THERE ISN'T ANYMORE TIME!"
Jack Bauer is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Jack Bauer can divide by zero
Jack Bauer has two speeds: walk and kill.
Jack Bauer can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
When Jack Bauer does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
Jack Bauer can slam a revolving door
When Jack Bauer's daughter lost her virginity he found it and put it back.
chuck norris doesnt sleep, he waits....jack bauer doesnt sleep, he *beep* KILLS TERRORISTS!!!!!
Jack Bauer walked into a Max security prison, broke out an internationally notorious Drug Zar, released every single prisoner, won two games of russian roulette, hijacked a chopter all strung out on Heroine.... don't you EVER complain about working with a hang over every again.
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"A real leader faces the music, even if he doesn't like the tune." - unknown quote
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