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Sage · 04-20-2006, 01:23 PM

I pontificate on the wonders of Communication because I've seen what a difference it makes in my own marriage. Through two wonderful years with Martel I've learned a lot about myself and how I deal with things. Sometimes it takes a lot of shouting and crying, but eventually we always settle down and really talk about anything that's bothering us, or that's causing a problem in our marriage.

For me, Communication is very well summed up in what ratbastid said. Remember, ratbastid speaks the truth. Being communicative with someone is all about being willing to listen to what they say, whether you like it or not, and think about it in a "I'm taking this seriously" kinda way. It's about having respect for the person you're talking to, and giving them the freedom to express themselves the way they need to in order to get what's bothering them offa their chests. For me, communication is something that is done best with people that you love- people that you're not quick to anger with if they get upset or are being unreasonable. Martel could write a book about trying to communicate with me, subborn Princess that I can be sometimes

.

Communication is being willing to examine yourself in a non-biased way, to look at yourself and your behavior and say "I don't like this" or "I like this, this is ME." It's being able to listen to someone else make a suggestion about your personality or behavior and not instanly get mad and skulk off. It's a very "grown-up" attitude to have, being able to lend an ear to someone who isn't shouting your praises. Mainly, it all boils down to waiding through the bullshit that people surround themselves with daily and really, honestly, openly SHARING yourself and your thoughts, whatever they may be, with someone and knowing that they'll listen and be open and supportive of you NO MATTER WHAT.

So no, it's not easy to communicate. If it was easy then there'd be a LOT less strife going on in relationships. Cutting out the bullshit is hard to do- being totally 100% honest all the time is really hard to do. Think of all the times in one day you tell a little white lie to someone- "I'm fine" "I don't need any help" "I'm not upset" "I'd be happy to do that" etc etc etc. That's all the bullshit that people throw around that keeps them from being honest and open all the time. That's the bullshit that has to end if you want to communicate with someone. If you're being totally honest with someone, you should be able to say "I really don't want to do that" "I feel horrid" "Yes please I need help" "I'm really maddeningly angry right now" etc. Communication is hard because it involves massive trust in the person that you're communicating with to not stomp all over your feelings when you leave yourself open and vulnerable. Most people are used to bottling things inside all the time and are not used to sharing themselves with anyone, so communicating can be difficult for most.

However, communicating with someone, most of all your SO, will open up doors you never dreamed possible. Knowing someone inside and out, knowing they'll be there for you 100%, knowing their innermost thoughts... it makes having a relationship with them sublime. It provides a connection that you'll probably never have with anyone else, making them your best friend and confidant as well as your SO. It's made me insanely happy in my marriage, it's made my life so much better, it's literally changed the way I look at the world. So when someone comes to TFP bemoaning the current state of their life, I open up to them and say "hey, stop a minute and be honest with yourself and those around you." The truth will set you free.

04-20-2006, 01:23 PM	#9 (permalink)
Sage hoarding all the big girl panties since 2005 Location: North side	I pontificate on the wonders of Communication because I've seen what a difference it makes in my own marriage. Through two wonderful years with Martel I've learned a lot about myself and how I deal with things. Sometimes it takes a lot of shouting and crying, but eventually we always settle down and really talk about anything that's bothering us, or that's causing a problem in our marriage. For me, Communication is very well summed up in what ratbastid said. Remember, ratbastid speaks the truth. Being communicative with someone is all about being willing to listen to what they say, whether you like it or not, and think about it in a "I'm taking this seriously" kinda way. It's about having respect for the person you're talking to, and giving them the freedom to express themselves the way they need to in order to get what's bothering them offa their chests. For me, communication is something that is done best with people that you love- people that you're not quick to anger with if they get upset or are being unreasonable. Martel could write a book about trying to communicate with me, subborn Princess that I can be sometimes . Communication is being willing to examine yourself in a non-biased way, to look at yourself and your behavior and say "I don't like this" or "I like this, this is ME." It's being able to listen to someone else make a suggestion about your personality or behavior and not instanly get mad and skulk off. It's a very "grown-up" attitude to have, being able to lend an ear to someone who isn't shouting your praises. Mainly, it all boils down to waiding through the bullshit that people surround themselves with daily and really, honestly, openly SHARING yourself and your thoughts, whatever they may be, with someone and knowing that they'll listen and be open and supportive of you NO MATTER WHAT. So no, it's not easy to communicate. If it was easy then there'd be a LOT less strife going on in relationships. Cutting out the bullshit is hard to do- being totally 100% honest all the time is really hard to do. Think of all the times in one day you tell a little white lie to someone- "I'm fine" "I don't need any help" "I'm not upset" "I'd be happy to do that" etc etc etc. That's all the bullshit that people throw around that keeps them from being honest and open all the time. That's the bullshit that has to end if you want to communicate with someone. If you're being totally honest with someone, you should be able to say "I really don't want to do that" "I feel horrid" "Yes please I need help" "I'm really maddeningly angry right now" etc. Communication is hard because it involves massive trust in the person that you're communicating with to not stomp all over your feelings when you leave yourself open and vulnerable. Most people are used to bottling things inside all the time and are not used to sharing themselves with anyone, so communicating can be difficult for most. However, communicating with someone, most of all your SO, will open up doors you never dreamed possible. Knowing someone inside and out, knowing they'll be there for you 100%, knowing their innermost thoughts... it makes having a relationship with them sublime. It provides a connection that you'll probably never have with anyone else, making them your best friend and confidant as well as your SO. It's made me insanely happy in my marriage, it's made my life so much better, it's literally changed the way I look at the world. So when someone comes to TFP bemoaning the current state of their life, I open up to them and say "hey, stop a minute and be honest with yourself and those around you." The truth will set you free. __________________ Sage knows our mythic history, King Arthur's and Sir Caradoc's She answers hard acrostics, has a pretty taste for paradox She quotes in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus In conics she can floor peculiarities parabolous -C'hi Last edited by Sage; 04-20-2006 at 01:32 PM..