Sage

It sounds to me the molestation thing is it. She went to Kansas feeling fine about sex, came back from Kansas not wanting to have sex. Something snapped in her head. She fights your advances off the same way she'd fight off a molester.

This is NOT healthy, for her, for your marriage, or for you. You need to sit her down and have a very serious, adult, loving conversation with her. Let her know that you support her, and understand that the Kansas trip was hard on her. If she's having issues with the molestation, like if she's never fully recovered mentally from it, it is now something that needs to be talked about, discussed, and dealt with TOGETHER. Being married is a partnership, which means there are no secrets from each other. Communication is the most important part of a marriage, and you and your wife are not really communicating about what's going on with her becuause she refuses to for some reason.

Also, I hate to say this, if she cannot or will not deal with the molestation that happened to her, it will tear your marriage apart. Sex is part of marriage, it's part of any healthy relationship. It is ludicrious to think that having sex once every three months is "normal." If she will not discuss what's wrong, you might have to make the very painful decision to seperate. In the long run, seperation would be less painful than living with a wife who refuses to have sex with you, thus building up your sexual desire, tension in your household, and general unrest in your relationship.

Marriage counseling for the both of you and counseling for her about her past would be best. You cannot solve her deep-rooted issues yourself. Professionals are there for a reason, they will help you more than you can possibly imagine. Good luck.

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