View Single Post
Old 04-18-2006, 04:30 PM   #18 (permalink)
Jinn
Lover - Protector - Teacher
 
Jinn's Avatar
 
Location: Seattle, WA
Sorry for being brutal, but it sounds like you're being a pushover. A lot of times when people say they "discussed" something, they didn't do any true discussing, only merely hinting.

Quote:
when I bring up the topic she changes the subject or just ignores me or pretends that I didn't speak.
How does she ignore you? It sounds like you're backing down too easily. She's making it clear she doesn't want to talk about it with her manner, so you need to push her. Don't let her silence or noncomittable be OKAY. PUSH HER VERBAL BOUNDARIES WITH HONEST QUESTIONS.

The ground rules are avoid blaming, avoid negative questions, and avoid questions that imply the current situation is bad. Other than that, keep asking questions about sex until you get an answer. She'll feel comfortable about one of them, if you keep asking. It's all a pyschologist would do, anyway.

"Do you like sex with me?"
"Is something wrong with our relationship that we need to talk about?"
"Have you desired me recently?"
"Do you care about me in a physical way?"
"Have your needs changed?"
"Is there anything I can do to please you sexually?"
"Are you afraid to have sex with me?"
"Do you still enjoy thinking about me romantically?"
"Do you wish you could still have sex with me?"
"Do you feel awkward when thinking about sex?"
"Has something changed in you regarding sex?"
"Have old memories about sex come back to you?"
"Do you feel like we feel the same way about sex as we used to?"
"If not, what changed?"

When someone fails at communicating, it is your JOB to make them communicate their needs and feelings TO YOU.

You need to ask all of those until you start getting answers. I've never seen someone "hiding" an issue by ignoring it thesmelves or by ignoring others stay strong in their ignorance through a barrage of hopelessly honest questions.
__________________
"I'm typing on a computer of science, which is being sent by science wires to a little science server where you can access it. I'm not typing on a computer of philosophy or religion or whatever other thing you think can be used to understand the universe because they're a poor substitute in the role of understanding the universe which exists independent from ourselves." - Willravel

Last edited by Jinn; 04-18-2006 at 04:33 PM..
Jinn is offline  
 

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40