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Originally Posted by baronmandark
her mom lives in kansas alone, she was molested in that house when she was very young by her then step-brother, I think seeing that house again from the perspective of an actual "relationship" scared the hell out of her, but this is just a guess. Her mom absolutely loves me, we talk like old friends. What do you all think, maybe she is reliving her past when I touch her? If so, how can I help her.
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Did she have any kind of couselling to deal with the molestation? Anything is possible that the trip home - if she hadn't been there in a while - could have brought back bad memories...
I'd talk about it with her... and see what she's thinking...
Go slow with her and see where she's willing to go - start with kissing and good old fashioned making out on the couch in front of a movie (people do stilldo that don't they???
Don't put pressure on her to go further... and see where she leads you.
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Originally Posted by baronmandark
and dont think that my problem is the norm, I know countless married couples who are happier IN EVERY WAY than they have ever been.
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There's actually quite a few threads in this forum on what you are describing... that their partner's libido has changed... the answer is always -- Communicate...
Sounds like you're doing that... but it' the right communication that's not happening...
Instead of "honey, we never have sex anymore... blah blah", try "honey, I love giving you back rubs, and feeling close to you -- would you let me do that..." and work up from there...
Patience grasshopper... sounds like you want to save this marriage..