Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post

guthmund · 04-14-2006, 07:35 AM

A 40 year-old woman had a heart attack and died on the operating room table. At the end of the tunnel, she met God and asked if this was it...

"No," said God. "I'm sending you back. You've got another 40-50 years left to live." And with a wave of his hand, God sends the 40 year-old woman back to earth and to her body.

Thankful for her second chance, she decides to make the most of it and have herself overhauled. She has liposuction, various tucks in various places, an eye-lift, a boob-lift, a butt-lift, the wrinkles in her face done away with and collagen injected.

She walks out of the hospital a changed woman and feeling pretty good about herself.

As she steps out into the walkway, an ambulance immediately runs her over and she dies.

When God greets her at the pearly gates, the 40 year-old woman is pretty upset. "I thought you said I got 40 or 50 more years, God!"

"Pam???," God said..."I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you..."

***********************************

St. Peter was backed up and the line into Heaven had grown rather long. Two men waiting in line recognized each other from the neighborhood and struck up a conversation.

"So," the first man says "How'd you die?"

"I froze to death." The second man says.

"That's horrible." says the first man, "What's that like?"

"Oh, it's not so bad," the second man replies. "It's pretty uncomfortable at first. You get the shakes and sharp pains hit your fingers and toes, but after a while, you just kind of go numb and drift off. Sort of like you fell asleep." The second man shrugged. "How'd you die?" he asks.

"Heart attack." the first man says. "I knew my wife was cheating on me, so I came home early to catch her in the act. I ran up two flights of stairs to the bedroom and found her knitting....alone, but naked. I was so mad, I ran all over the house searching for the guy bonking my wife. I ran all the way down to the basement and searched everywhere. I ran from floor to floor as fast as I could go and when I reached the attic...I dropped dead from a massive heart attack."

The second man shook his head. "That is so ironic." he said.

"Why? what do you mean?" the first guy asks.

"If only you'd stopped to look in the freezer...."

04-14-2006, 07:35 AM	#1 (permalink)
guthmund big damn hero	Two jokes about death... A 40 year-old woman had a heart attack and died on the operating room table. At the end of the tunnel, she met God and asked if this was it... "No," said God. "I'm sending you back. You've got another 40-50 years left to live." And with a wave of his hand, God sends the 40 year-old woman back to earth and to her body. Thankful for her second chance, she decides to make the most of it and have herself overhauled. She has liposuction, various tucks in various places, an eye-lift, a boob-lift, a butt-lift, the wrinkles in her face done away with and collagen injected. She walks out of the hospital a changed woman and feeling pretty good about herself. As she steps out into the walkway, an ambulance immediately runs her over and she dies. When God greets her at the pearly gates, the 40 year-old woman is pretty upset. "I thought you said I got 40 or 50 more years, God!" "Pam???," God said..."I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you..." *********************************** St. Peter was backed up and the line into Heaven had grown rather long. Two men waiting in line recognized each other from the neighborhood and struck up a conversation. "So," the first man says "How'd you die?" "I froze to death." The second man says. "That's horrible." says the first man, "What's that like?" "Oh, it's not so bad," the second man replies. "It's pretty uncomfortable at first. You get the shakes and sharp pains hit your fingers and toes, but after a while, you just kind of go numb and drift off. Sort of like you fell asleep." The second man shrugged. "How'd you die?" he asks. "Heart attack." the first man says. "I knew my wife was cheating on me, so I came home early to catch her in the act. I ran up two flights of stairs to the bedroom and found her knitting....alone, but naked. I was so mad, I ran all over the house searching for the guy bonking my wife. I ran all the way down to the basement and searched everywhere. I ran from floor to floor as fast as I could go and when I reached the attic...I dropped dead from a massive heart attack." The second man shook his head. "That is so ironic." he said. "Why? what do you mean?" the first guy asks. "If only you'd stopped to look in the freezer...." __________________ No signature. None. Seriously.