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Originally Posted by raeanna74
I was 24 before I lost my virginity. To my hubby. We had sex just over a year before we got married. In our case it has worked out BUT we both have seen the pitfall that we stumbled over.
We were both raised in strictly religious homes. So often when our families would hear about someone getting caught having had sex and then making plans to get married the verdict was - well at least they're getting married. The mindset wast that if you has sex with the person you had to marry them to 'make it right'. and that's how we ended up looking at our premarital sex. We ended up marrying each other even though we did not love each other and were scared out of our wits. Hubby married me for more sex, I married him to get out of my parents house and we married each other because we felt we had to in order to make us not feel bad about having had premarital sex. We have discussed this and know those are the reasons we got married. We have since been through a lot together and learned to love each other. We have also changed our outlook on sex. If we hadn't been brainwashed to attach so much emotion to sex then I think our lives would have been totally different.
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Originally Posted by ratbastid
Hear, hear.
We think sex MEANS so much. It's social conditioning and control, is all it is. Sex doesn't inherantly MEAN anything. Sex is wonderful in a lot of ways, AND there are plenty of real things about sex to be responsible about. But all the good/bad/should/shouldn't of sex, the moralizing and judgement around it, is all crap. Being a virgin isn't any better than not being a virgin--you'll likely find that it doesn't actually change things all that much.
Just my two cents. Don't let me talk you into anything you're not comfortable with.
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(Above quoted in agreement)
My wife and I were talking about the a couple of days ago, and the concept of waiting for marriage. We both agreed its a bad thing to do. Now your first time is special and all that, don't get me wrong, but sex makes people do stupid things. Having sex is such a basic human instinctive need that it clouds your judgment. By getting the sex part out of the way and seeing that its not 'that important' in the grand scheme of things (and it takes a while to get to this point) means you can focus on what really matters for a strong relationship.
There comes a point where you won't be having 'great sex' in every relationship. Peoples desire level changes, work can get in the way, and pregnancy has a huge effect for some people. If having sex is the corner stone of your relationship you are going to be in for rocky times. Sex IS important for a relationship, but its not the most important thing.
I'm almost of the mindset that getting your son a hooker for a 16th birthday present isn't such a bad idea. The pressure on a young male to have sex by his peers is pretty strong, and the desire to just 'get laid' can override rational thought.
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Originally Posted by KirStang
I was hoping to have some input on this topic:
I am 19 and a virgin. I've had a couple of opportunities to have a one night hook up in college, but it just didn't happen. From what i've heard, a lot of my guy friends regret losing their virginity to someone they didn't care about, or they tell me to make sure to wait for a special girl. However, lately, I've been feeling a little "loose" if you will. Yet, part of me wonders if I'll regret it if I slept for the first time with someone just for physical satisfaction.
I guess I am asking for input, on whether it is right to wait, and whether any of my fellow TFpers regretted doing their first with someone they didn't care about, and if so, to what extend did they regret it.
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Do what you feel is right of course, but at the end of the day it won't matter that much. I did it for the first time with a girl I didn't care about, I then started to care about, and she then ripped my heart out, and thank god because I'd have made a huge mistake staying with her. I'd have rather it been a one night stand from the get go, I would have gotten the virgin thing out of the way without the crushed heart thing
I'm sure that had I been with that 'special girl' from the start it would have SEEMED like the best thing when I was still 19. Now that I'm 35 and can look back, I'm glad I just did it, I was far more emotionally ready for what became my special girl I met at 21 because of it. I had sex with that special girl our second date (and everything BUT on the first, damn her thinking she should take it slow
) and also last night.