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Junkie
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Some military humor
Naval/Marine Aviator:
On a carrier, the Naval/Marine Aviator looks over at the Catapult Officer
("Shooter") who gives the run up engines signal by rotating his finger above
his head. The pilot pushes the throttle forward, verifies all flight
controls are operational, checks all gauges, and gives the Cat officer a
brisk salute, continuing the Navy / Marine tradition of asking permission to
leave the ship. The Cat officer drops to one knee while swooping his arm
forward and pointing down deck, granting that permission. The pilot is
immediately catapulted and becomes airborne.
Air Force:
We've all seen Air Force pilots look up just before taxiing for takeoff and
the crew chief waits until the pilot's thumb is sticking straight up. The
crew chief then confirms that he sees the thumb, salutes, and the Air Force
pilot then takes off. This time-tested tradition is the last link in the Air
Force safety net to confirm that the pilot does not have his thumb up his
ass.
Army:
If you've ever seen an Army helicopter pilot preparing for takeoff, you will
note that the pilot gives the crew chief a thumbs up before he is given
hover and takeoff signals. There are two theories about the origin of this
gesture. One is that it is to show that the pilot has identified which of
his fingers is the thumb so that he will be able to properly operate his
controls. The most compelling theory says that this is to show the crew
chief that the pilot indeed knows which direction is up.
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A crusty old Master Chief found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Master Chief for conversation.
"Excuse me, Master Chief, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?"
"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature."
The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action."
"Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."
The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little....relax and enjoy yourself."
The Master Chief just stared at her in his serious manner.
Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?"
"1955, ma'am."
"Well, there you are. You really need to chill out and quit taking everything so seriously! I mean, no sex since 1955! She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times.
Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955!"
The Master Chief, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact voice, "I hope not, it's only 2130 now."
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A C-130 was en route on a mission when a cocky F-18 pilot flew up next to him.
The fighter jock told the C-130 pilot, "watch this!" He went into a barrel roll, followed by a steep climb, then finished with a sonic boom when he reached the speed of sound. The F-18 pilot asked the C-130 pilot what he thought.
The C-130 pilot responded "that was impressive, but watch this." The C-130 droned along for about 15 minutes then the 130 pilot came back on and asked, "What did you think about that?"
The F-18 pilot asked, "What did you do?"
The C-130 pilot responded, "I got up, stretched my legs, went to the back, poured a cup of coffee and took a piss."
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A bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door bursts open and in come four exuberant Marines. They come to the bar and order five bottles of beer and ten glasses. They take their order over and sit down at a large table. The caps are popped, the glasses are filled and they begin toasting and chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Soon three more Marines arrive, take up their drinks and the chanting grows, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Two more Marines show up and soon their voices are are joined in raising the roof, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Finally the tenth Marine comes in with a picture under his arm, he walks over to the table, and sets the picture in the middle and the table erupts.
Up jump the others, they begin dancing around the table, exchanging high-fives, all the while chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" The bartender can't contain his curiosity any longer, so he walks over to the table. There in the center is a beautifully framed child's puzzle of the cookie monster. When the frenzy dies down a little bit the bartender asks one of the Marines, "Whats all the chanting and celebration about?"
The Marine who brought in the picture pipes in, "Everyone thinks that Marines are dumb and they make fun of us. So, we decided to set the record straight. Ten of us got together, bought this puzzle and put it together. The side of the box said 2-4 years, but we put it together in 51 days."
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One day, the Command Master Chief was invited to the Officer's Club with the base CO to eat lunch. When they entered the main dining room, they found the place was quite crowded. They did notice three Lieutenants sitting at a table with two empty chairs, so the Captain asked them if they could join them.
They promptly invited them to join them. They ordered lunch and joined them in conversation as they ate. At one point, the Master Chief mentioned that he had observed characteristics about many officers from which he could determine the sources of their commissioning.
The Lieutenants were eager to hear about this and asked if he could tell how each of them had been commissioned.
The Master Chief turned to the Lieutenant on his left and said he went through ROTC. The Lieutenant confirmed that was correct and asked how he had noted this. The Master Chief replied that the Lieutenant, through his conversation, seemed to have a strong academic background but limited military experience.
The Master Chief then told the Lieutenant on his right that he had gone through OCS with previous enlisted service. The Lieutenant confirmed that this was correct and also asked how he had determined this. The Master Chief said, again through his conversation, that the Lieutenant seemed to have a firm military background and a lot of common sense.
The Lieutenant across the table from the Master Chief asked if he had determined his source of commission. The Master Chief replied that the Lieutenant had graduated from the United States Naval Academy. The Lieutenant stated that was correct and asked if he had noticed his high level of intelligence, precise military bearing, or other superior qualities acquired at the United States Naval Academy. The Master Chief replied that it was none of these that led to his determination.
He had simply observed the Lieutenant's class ring while he was picking his nose.
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