lol, I'm really not getting this accross the way I wanted to. Maybe third times the charm. And sorry to abaya, I feel like I'm turning this thread into something you weren't after. but here goes again.
Tying the emotions together does happen. If you care about someone, you want them to be happy and healthy, and if they are not, it affects you. If they are sick, it occupies your thoughts. If they are unhappy, you want to do something to make them happy.
As I said before I really like Ayn Rand's egoist philosophy, and I beleive the desire for their happiness is a selfish desire. It stems from your own desire to be happy. You derive your happiness from theirs. So your not relying on them to make you happy, because you can do something to change the situation. You can do something to make them happy.
For example: About 2 months ago a good friend of mine fainted in our massage class. This is a girl I've know for almost 2 years now, my first friend I made when I went to college. So I care about her. She was only out for about 5 seconds and was weak, but pretty recoved in about 15 minutes. I figured nothing was wrong and wasn't worried at all. But, the campus aid person who checked her out decided she should go to the hospital. Now, I don't know about you all, but hospitals are not really my favorite place in the world, and I knew she didn't like them at all. So I went with her. My reasoning? Because I knew that if I didn't, she would be stuck in a hospital for a few hours, with noone she knew around. Unhappy, to say the least, and I knew that if I went home, it would bother me. So I didn't go with her because it would make HER happy, I went with her because it would make ME happy. Selfishness. My happiness was the ultimate goal.
Obviously this is not fool-proof, there are times when your SO just wants to be left alone and their is nothing you can do about it, but during that time, are you ever fully enjoying what your doing? or is that little voice in the back of your head always going, "What could I do to make him/her happy again?"
The problem with the man in the story, and its definitly a good lesson, is that he tried to depend on the girl to make him happy. If you rely on someone else to make you happy, your doomed. You have to find out what makes you happy, and make it occur. Hopefully alot. In your SO, what makes you happy should be their happiness. Which, to an extent, is in your control. The problem comes when they depend on you for their happiness. If you ever find yourself relying on your SO to make you happy, its become a dependance thing. Instead of making yourself happy, you wait for someone else to make you happy, which doesn't work because, as the story said, they can't know exactly how you feel.
For Example: If I had not gone to the hospital, she would have been fine, there were nice people there, a TV, she got some apple juice, yada yada yada. She wasn't expecting me to come with her, she didn't ask, and I know that if I had said, "Well, cya, call me when you get back from the hospital so I know your ok." She would have been fine with it. I think she knew, maybe not conciously, but knew, that I came with her for my own reasons, and not because I felt bad for her.
phew, ok, I've been through this for 30 minutes now and I think it says what I wanted to say from the beginning. I have to dream right?
PS: Egoist is different from Egotist. You have no idea how many times people think I've misspelled it.